i'll send all my loving to you.

It's official.

Ah, fine, I mean, it's been official...

I am in love.

BIG difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone...

but I think in this case...

There is no doubt.

God, I hate it when I can't think of something to say...

Daniel, I love you. Stay safe.

~marina

963 miles to home.

That took freaking forever.

Not really, but it's good to be home.

We left on friday, saw the caves on saturday, saw the redwoods on sunday, and saw the coast on monday.

There's the long story short.

Moving along. Camp starts on Monday, and I get to hang out with Kev there so maybe it'll be bearable XD

I'm planning on singing a Beatles song for the No-Talent show... Either "Hey Jude" "All You Need Is Love" or "Blackbird" but I don't know yet.

*sigh*

So I am currently waiting on incoming AND outgoing mail to Daniel... I sent my letter about a week ago, and it better damn well be there within the next two weeks or I'm gonna be very annoyed :P

Anyways, that's all I have to say.

Loves <333
~marina

as if you actually were inside a saltwater room

Yeah, I really love this song by Owl City, and not just because it reminds me of Daniel (then again, what song *doesn't*?)
I like Owl City in general because of the lyrics. They sound playful and sometimes random, what with the way he sings them. But he has a cute voice. But it's not the right voice, the one I miss so much.

I also found out how difficult it is to blog via iPod touch. So I'll sign off for now, but when we get home I'll post something about our whole road trip :D

~marina

never think.

"I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't

You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh Love
So call me by my name

And oh, save your soul
save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
To tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out of this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying oh please
I'm in love
I'm in love

Girl save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're too far gone
And before nothing can be done

'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Hold on"
-"Never Think" - Robert Pattinson

Life is moving too fast and too slow.

~marina

let me sign.

"She was standing there by
The broken tree
Her hands are all twisted
She's pointing at me
I was damned by light comin'
Out of her eyes she
Spoke with a voice that
Disrupted the sky
She said walk on over here
To the bitter shade
I will wrap you in my arms
And you'll know you've been saved
Let me sign
Let me sign"
-"Let Me Sign" - Robert Pattinson

go all the way (into the twilight)

Again, another short post.

I've got a lot on my mind but not a lot to say.

I'm still speechless from a few days ago.

But my letter should be en route to Afghanistan... (I hope...)

Now I just have to find some way to occupy my time.

~marina

two hornpipes (tortuga)

I've begun to realize that I really need to start planning for after high school.

I need to learn to live on my own.

I need to figure out where I'm going to college.

I just need to plan.

But I don't want to be tied down.

I want to fly.

~marina

picture yourself in a boat on a river.

So basically my day is looking pretty boring as usual.
With no driver's ed to go to, and camp two weeks away, I've got to find something to do.

I managed to get myself sunburned yesterday. On my way to a delightful shade of tan, once it starts peeling.

Kevin's a genius and came up with a simple but hilariously fun game with word associations, and languages are so much fun, I can't help but play. We went from red to horses in only three hours.

Yep, that's all I have to say right now, but I'm planning a crazy post for later :)

~marina

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
And remember I'll always be true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend that I'm kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you."

'All My Loving" - The Beatles

Yeah, that's all I really have to say...

~marina

so it goes.

it's really difficult to think about much else than what's right in front of me.

Summer's half over and I need to get back into the school mode, I really do.

Luckily I don't need to worry about it for a little while longer.

I just need to find a hobby, SOMETHING to keep me busy, because this boredom is about to kill me.

"Now I cannot speak
I've lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
Cause 'I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words."

I need to write some more but I'm out of ideas.

Too bad, all that is left in this brain of mine are a plethora of lyrics and the contents of one letter.

Thus far the only excitement I have to look forward to today is driver's ed, where we get to listen to another trauma nurse talk about the dangers of not wearing a seatbelt, and then get to try wearing goggles that affect your vision to different levels of alcohol intoxication.
(as long as it doesn't involve too much nausea, it ought to be fun. I would really rather not repeat last time I had an alcohol-related experience.)

That'll probably change in time, but for now, alcohol is O-U-T.

Ah, I just remembered something of interest.

I need ideas for my future tattoo.

Not to steal Daniel's idea but Rachel and I think that a koi tattoo would be pretty awesome. Key differences: upper back, not half-sleeve; blue, not orange; probably surrounded by flowers of some sort.

I had an idea earlier about a sort of combination of a bunch of different things into one symbolic tattoo... Like a dolphin, and the Gemini symbol, the DSOTM prism, and beyond that I had no other ideas.

But this fish is looking likely.

If you have any other ideas, do not hesitate to tell me via comment, please and thank you!

All I have to do is wait 10 months to be able to get the tattoo.

~marina

I may have just posted something less than half an hour ago, but I literally have nothing to do now.

Mom and Becky are de-flea-ing the house. Ohhhh joy.

I really want to say something poetic but I can't think. My head is spinning like a very content and happy carousel.

I really want school to start so I can get my mind moving again, so the remaining 153 or so days will fly by (but who's counting?)

Though a bit sooner than that, this weekend ought to be interesting. Driver's ed is over on Wednesday, last drive on Thursday, and then hopefully on Sunday... Hopefully I'll get to enjoy myself, relax and let my mind go.

I have to say that this blogging via phone is pretty convenient. Not that many people read my blog, but I like to go through every once in a while and revisit my thoughts.

Well I'm feeling particularly chill so I guess I'll just lay on the couch and listen to music.

Peace.

~marina

scarlet begonias

"Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right."
'Scarlet Begonias' - Grateful Dead

Did I mention that I highly dislike begonias?
Strange name for a flower.
Also just a strange flower.

Anyways, the point of that quote was that my day has been made THREE MILLION times better (maybe more) because the letter I've been waiting for was in the mail today.

I just about burst into tears after reading it.
Total "awww" moment.
Total hug moment too, but I'll delay that till December.

It's been years since someone actually sent me a letter, and now I know how amazing it is to have someone care enough to write.

It's a really great feeling.

And then when I told kaylee, she immediately said something that made me laugh.

"That is the cutest thing in the whole widest of the worlds! :D now we just need to discuss the matter of what color my bridesmaid's dress shall be :D"

Ah, crazy chick.

I'm attempting to get ahold of Kevin because he's got something of mine and I would really appreciate if he'd give it back XD

Anyways, I guess I've got a letter to read and re-read, over and over again :)

~marina

anger is more distracting than drugs or alcohol.

so says the trauma nurse that came in to talk to our class.

Luckily I'm not going to drive until tomorrow.

So nobody has to worry about that.

God, I wish I was 18 by now.

Then I could move out.

And Daniel would be back for the summer.

And I wouldn't be so damn angry.

~marina

"Take me above your light
Carry me through the night
Hold me secure in flight
Sing me to sleep tonight"
'Hello Seattle' - Owl City

I guess getting up at ten isn't considered sleeping in if I went to sleep at three. Oh well. I'm not tired anymore, and that's all that matters.

Still no letter, maybe it'll be here today.
I honestly don't know.

The suspense is unbearable.

And speaking of unbearable, it's Turkey Rama weekend. As mom calls it, turkey trauma. My plan? I'm sitting inside until our 5th drive tomorrow.

But no use trying to take a nap after I'm already irreversibly awake.

So what am I to do, with a whole weekend before me and nothing to occupy my time?

Listening to my iPod sounds like a pretty good waste of time, I suppose.

~marina

Caffeine's effects on my writing.

"In humans, caffeine is a central nervous system (CNS) stimulant, having the effect of temporarily warding off drowsiness and restoring alertness. Beverages containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea, soft drinks, and energy drinks enjoy great popularity. Caffeine is the world's most widely consumed psychoactive substance, but unlike many other psychoactive substances it is legal and unregulated in nearly all jurisdictions. In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration lists caffeine as a "Multiple Purpose Generally Recognized as Safe Food Substance".
An acute overdose of caffeine, usually in excess of about 300 milligrams, dependent on body weight and level of caffeine tolerance, can result in a state of central nervous system over-stimulation called caffeine intoxication (DSM-IV 305.90), or colloquially the "caffeine jitters". The symptoms of caffeine intoxication are not unlike overdoses of other stimulants. It may include restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushing of the face, increased urination, gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, a rambling flow of thought and speech, irritability, irregular or rapid heart beat, and psychomotor agitation. In cases of much larger overdoses, mania, depression, lapses in judgment, disorientation, disinhibition, delusions, hallucinations, and psychosis may occur, and rhabdomyolysis (breakdown of skeletal muscle tissue) can be provoked."

Oy veh.
What have I gotten myself into today?
WAY too much caffeine, and now I can barely type without my fingers shaking. I'm acting like a severely paranoid person XD
it'll wear off soon... right?

whoo. craziness.
I'd take a nap if I weren't so jittery.
My brain isn't functioning.
Gah.
I really want to write something but I can't think of anything...

Maybe I'll post something via phone later.

~marina

So as I'm laying here in bed, surrounded by darkness, and listening to 105.9, I still have nothing substantial to say. You'd think that after seeing my best friend for the first time in a week I'd be ready for a long blog post, but sadly, that's not the case.
My mind's awash in a sea of thoughts.
I never stop thinking about Daniel. About December. About next summer.
Somehow I'm not as articulate as I usually am.
I probably just need sleep.

So good night, world, I'll see you in the morning.

~marina

who needs a title?

Finally get the chance to use the computer, and I can't think of anything to say.

I love you, Daniel.

~marina

Love's a strange creature.

Since I haven't been quite faithful to my blog in the last few months, I'm going to write a freestyle poem. as soon as I think of something to write about...


It seems to me that even the most incessant of noises
eventually become something you can't function without.
I wonder how two metal rectangles can make such a racket
when they're so close to my heart,
and why the chain leaves its pattern
in abstract curving lines on my skin.
Do I mind?
Absolutely not.

Because there are few of us
who have the privilege
of wearing Daniel W. Kouns' dog tags.

I can recite everything on the tags from memory.
Name, social security number, blood type
and lack of a religious preference.
I wear them with pride and honor.

December is a long time to wait
but the reward is worth the heartache.

I promised that I'd wait for you
But will you still want me when you come back?


"The stars in the sky
Illuminate below
The light is the sign
That love will guide you home."
-AvA

~marina

I'm one horribly confused person.

I think I messed up, big time.
Who would have thought that telling the truth would hurt so bad?

The problem is, I don't know if what I said was the truth.

And that makes me feel terrible, because if I'm deluding myself, then I really need to get my head straight and figure things out.

I'm walking a knife edge right now. There are only two safe ways to fall. The side I'm currently tempted to choose would probably only lead to disaster. The side I know i should choose, the other side, seems like the better choice, safer in the long run.
I have to choose a side or I'll be torn in half.

I don't want to have to pick up the pieces of my broken heart again.
I don't think I could.

Sometimes I really hate myself.
This is one of those times.

I need to make some changes.
I need to talk to Daniel.
I need a vacation from this vacation.

~marina

just because.

I really don't have much to say today but my blog was sending out needy vibes.
I promise, even though nobody ever seems to read this, that I'll post a substantial, juicy post soon.

~marina