The Tip of the Iceberg

Welcome back
Winter once again
And put on your warm fuzzy sweater
Cuz you'll feel much better when

The snowflakes fall
Gently to the ground
The temperature drops
And your shivers freeze all the rivers around
But I keep you warm

If speed's a pro
Inertia must be a con
Cuz the cold wind blows at precise rates
When I've got my ice skates on

If all the roads
Were paved with ice that wouldn't thaw or crack
I could skate from Maine to Nebraska
Then on to Alaska and back
Cuz you keep me warm

Peer over the edge
Can you see me?
Rivulets flow from your eyes
Paint runs from your mouth
Like a waterfall
And your lungs crystalize

I'll travel the sub-zero tundra
I'll brave glaciers and frozen lakes
And that's just the tip of the iceberg
I'll do whatever it takes
To change

Farewell powdery paradise
We'd rather skate on the finished ice
Fingers failed us before they froze
Frostbite bit down on all our toes

Snow drifts build up and enfold us
As we wait out this winter storm
So we snuggle close in the darkness
And keep each other so warm

"The Tip of the Iceberg" - Owl City

I'm so glad that things worked out.

This Christmas was the best one I've had for a long time.

Thanks to Daniel and his family for dragging me along to go shooting. That was pretty dankz.

And thanks especially to Daniel for making me realize that I'm a damned lucky girl.

~marina

Dear Vienna.

Have you ever been in a situation where everything falls apart and it's all you can do to try to keep yourself together?

Yeah, that's happening to me.

I'm at fault. I know that.

I can't decide if this sense of dread is paranoia or precognition.

I don't know if my body knows something my brain hasn't accepted yet. I'm trembling like a leaf and I don't want to eat because I'm sick to my stomach. I can't even cry anymore; my tears are gone.

One way or the other, I know I'll be okay. Time heals all wounds, large and small.

I just wish I knew what was going on.

~marina

"waving in the distance, waving
waving in the minutes, waning
waiting for this to make sense, waiting
stop waving back, I'm drowning."

turkey coma...?

Yeah, so I guess I'm still alive.

Which is surprising. I totally thought I was going to eat enough to overdose on the sheer goodness of food.

But I didn't! Yay!

Now I'm just sitting around waiting for Kevin to get here and pick me up so we can make a Muchas run or something.

Side note: it's my half-birthday today. I'm lame for celebrating it, aren't I? Oh well. One piece of pumpkin pie will suffice.

I've been having a rough weekend. Those of you who know me, know that I don't do well if I don't have my vice with me at all times. My brain is screaming at me right now.

mmhmm.

Oh well. I suppose I should say something worth reading.

But as usual, I have nothing to say...

Wish me luck today. Peace and love.

~marina

"she's dancing with the stars
living in the sky with diamonds
she's dancing with the stars
and oh, how the lights are shining."

hello, brooklyn

Once again I'm neglecting my blog. Not like many people read it anyways, but it's somewhere to write up my thoughts.

So I've got a lot of stuff on my mind lately. I don't know how exactly the next year is going to go, all I know is that it should be a pretty damn good year. I have to make some pretty big decisions... at least I've got Daniel by my side (only figuratively, at least for now) to help me out with them.

mmhmm. that's about it.

~marina

cave in

Well, I haven't posted anything for a while, so you'd think I'd have something productive to say... and you'd be incorrect.

However, Daniel's back in the states. Thank goodness for that.

~marina

the adventure

This is the first song I ever heard by Angels & Airwaves. It's one of the many songs that makes me think about me and Daniel.

I swear, he's the only thing on my mind anymore.

And i'm quite content with that.

As usual, I don't have much to say...

I'm too speechless from our conversation earlier.

~marina

baby are you down?

So it's really early and I've been up all night... Bad move, but hey, it's Friday now, and we have a half day, so why the hell not?

Plans for the day:
make scones (check)
get picked up by Sydney
go to school
survive film studies, band, and German
possibly go to ashley's
possibly spend the night at ashley's
possibly rent Resident Evil and Tim Burton movies and invite Sydney over to watch them
possibly go trick-or-treating
possibly stay up all tonight and tomorrow night too
possibly...
I dunno.
I'm just way hyper right now, low caffeine tolerance and all.

Gotta love it.

Anyhootles, three days left.

Hm. What do I want to talk about?

It's so weird how different the music is that I listen to...

Got to chat with Jeremy, that was cool.

Cookie crashed on the couch, like she's not supposed to do, but what do I care?

"we drank the great lakes
like cold lemonade
and both got stomachaches
sprawled out in the shade"

gotta love Owl City.

Going to one of his concerts would be bombdiggity.

Ah, this weekend should be somewhat interesting.

Now it's time to make another cup of espresso, wash the dishes, and pretend like I was in bed the whole night.

Wish me luck.

"so tell me baby, pretty baby
that this house is not a graveyard
tell me how to be strong
and carry you home."

~marina

don't dance

Once again, I'm being an idiot and diving into this post without a flipping clue what I'm really going to write.

First of all, I guess I'm glad that I'm such a mellow person, otherwise I'd probably be ripping my hair out by the roots right now. Two people in particular are pissing me off.

Numero uno: that motherfucking pain-in-the-ass freshman bitch that rides our bus. I swear she's on crack or something, and she's such a little slut. Ugh. Holly's on our side, though. She slammed on the brakes when the chick was standing in the aisle, and just about threw her into the windshield. It's gonna get ugly, and it's gonna be soon.

Numero dos: Kaylee. I hate how much Potter's House has done to her. She's just not the same...

Annoyances aside, Daniel will be out of Afghanistan in four days. I cannot even begin to describe just how much relief we're both feeling. But the small amount of time left is going to be the most aggravating time I've ever experienced. This chapter's almost over, it's almost time to turn the page.

It's strange that even though I thought I had absolutely zero ability to draw, I found out that indeed I can, if I've got a general idea of what I'm drawing. So for a test, I'm going to draw the Crystal Caves for my oceanography project. Wish me luck.

"Baby are you down-down-down-down-down?"

~marina

early birdie

Two things just occured to me.
First, I don't blog enough, and I'm determined to change that.
Second, I need to throw my clothes in the washer before someone else calls dibs on it.

Be right back, I promise.

Rockin, now I just have to make sure someone doesn't try to throw it all in the dryer, or they'll ruin my favorite jacket.

So I'm really liking Owl City today, not sure why. I must be in a synthpop groove or something.

Really all I'm trying to do anymore is kill time until Daniel gets back. The time from now till then will probably seem like the most boring days of my life... Perhaps not this coming weekend, however. It's ashley's birthday and then Halloween. I might go chill at her house, or rent Tim Burton movies and lay on the couch. Who knows, it's all just a time kill.

I figure that having a small amount of clothes pays off in the end. Less laundry and less complicated choices.

Maybe that's just me.

"Put your hand up on my hip
when I dip, you dip, we dip."

that's ashley's chew song. We're weird.

Good Friday night though. Kind of sucked for me, since Ashley and Jack were making out for most of the night (cute and all, but I was somewhat deprived in that respect.) Daniel did call three or four times just to talk, so I wasn't horribly bored. However, for the time I was laying on the kitchen floor, I was utterly bored. Yesterday morning was kind of crappy, but I asked Kevin to drive me home so I wouldn't have to ask my parents. It all worked out in the end.

How depressing is it that I'm spending my sunday night the same way I spend nearly every night?

Very, very sad.

Haven't heard from Daniel all day either... *shrug*

Dinner's almost done, rockin. See you guys later.

"I signed off and closed my eyes
then I was falling through the sky."

~marina

Ugh.

I can't breathe through my nose. There's my complaint du jour.

It doesn't matter how much I think about everything that's going on, I still can't formulate my thoughts enough to write something substantial. All I can say is that we're still being patient... Only a few more days...

Eight months (nearly nine, actually) is too damn long to be apart.

Just a few more days. That's all that's left.

"while the storyteller speaks
a door within the fire creaks
suddenly flies open
and a girl is standing there
eyes alight with glowing hair
all that fancy paints as fair
she takes her fan and throws it
in the lion's den."

"Terrapin Station" - Grateful Dead

~marina

disco mushrooms

So it appears to me that good moods are much more infectious than bad. Because goddamn, I feel awesome right now.

There, Sam. I posted something :)

~marina

upstarts and broken hearts

I'm so beyond angry right now, I could pitch everything I own at a wall and feel no remorse whatsoever. But I won't, because I'm attempting to rein in my frustration.

Effing army. How could you people do this?

I just have to say this...

Alright, it's apparent from the majority of my blog posts that I'm completely head over heels for my boyfriend, Daniel.

And if you read my blog and DIDN'T notice that... Wow. Just wow.

But anyways. Thanks to him I had one of the best days I've had for a long time. For now, he's probably asleep, so I guess I'll post this in the meantime.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm saying. Damn. I guess what I want to say is that I haven't been so happy just talking to someone... Ever. Even before he left, before we were officially dating, I looked forward to talking with him every day or so about whatever we felt like talking about. And somehow, we fell for each other.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. That's all I can say for now...

~marina {it won't be long, yeah, till I belong to you.}

time to pretend

So it's been a lurking thought in my mind that I'm a lot happier with my life than a lot of people are with theirs. So why do I let them live the way they are, pessimistic about things when there's so much to be happy about?

The way I see it, life is lived the way you see it. Your body is a vessel for your energy to reside in. It provides movement, a way to process food and water, and senses. That's really all it is, when you boil it down. So people who dislike themselves because they consider themselves physically unattractive... I mean, I see their point of view, but just be healthy, and you've got no reason to say anything bad about your body.

People worry about the future. They worry that they won't go anywhere in life, that they won't have enough money to get where they want to go. The truth is, life ends. Period. Whatever happens afterwards, that's for us to find out. But don't worry about the future. It will happen, as time is bound to do. Don't dwell on the past, because you can't change it. Whatever happened, happened. And don't worry about the future, because the more planning you do, the easier it is to be disappointed if the result isn't what you wanted.

Live NOW. Don't worry. Yesterday's gone, tomorrow will take care of itself, and the only thing you can do is appreciate what you have, right here, right now. If you have enemies, forgive and forget them. They're not worth your time. And your friends, always cherish the moments you have with them. Some friendships won't last forever, so appreciate right now. Make good memories and forget the bad ones. The more you think positively, the more positivity you'll have in your life.

I guess that's my mini-rant/inspirational speech... Hope that makes up for the few days I didn't post anything. Peace and love, guys.

~marina {I'll be out of my mind, and you'll be out of ideas pretty soon, so let's spend the afternoon in a cold hot air balloon.}

fireflies

New single by Owl City. Awesome song. Give it a listen.

"you would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

Leave my door open just a crack
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
Why do I tire of counting sheep
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep?
T-ten million fireflies
I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to sat that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams."

So that's the song. I really love the music and the lyrics.

As usual, not much to say. It's just a normal Saturday morning. But my mind is filled with fireflies.

~marina {I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly}

black friday rule

"I've been down in this world, down and almost broken
And thousands they grieve as the Black Friday rule."

Holy flipping hell, this song is catchy. I mean seriously. It makes me proud of myself for listening to the music that Daniel suggested, because this is a really godamazing song.

Moving along. I'm trying to make plans for college and it's not really going too well. My transcript has a few "bumps", for example. My cumulative GPA is 3.1 and that's not good enough to get into Linfield. And not only do I need to start appying for financial aid, I also have to come up with explanations for my F in global studies. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I guess until everything sorts itself out, I'll relax and listen to music and wait for news.

Peace.

~marina {I want to believe in myself once again}

supposedly!

Oh I'm not looking forward to psych at ALL. Ha, I really love that class.

So I've got to stay awake for another six hours or so, waiting for a phone call, hopefully with good news.

Good news of my own, school is going great. Open periods are my salvation. Today was sadly a bit boring. I walked around the school for two hours then came back to catch my bus. Tomorrow ought to be cool though. I think we're getting my senior picture for the yearbook after school.

Once again I have nothing much to say. I'm trying to stay focused on the current moment instead of looking too far ahead, because I've found that the more you plan, the more your plans fall through.

Guess I'll study some psych... Peace and love.

~marina

something

Beatles song... Can't help it, I watched Across The Universe today and it's stuck in my head.

So as usual I don't have much to say... Just felt like writing because I can.

Some of my friendships are drifting apart. Can't say I mind really... I do need some space away from the typical teenage high school drama. I need time to think about things in the near future and the long run. It's tough stuff to handle but I'm getting better at it.

Yeah, that's all I have to say... Maybe my phone will ring and I can try and clear up a bit of what I'm still thinking about. Always good to talk to my better half.

Peace and love.

~marina

amber

"Brainstorm
Take me away from the norm
I've got to tell you something
This phenomenon
I had to put it in a song
And it goes like
Whoa-oh
Amber is the color of your energy
Whoa-oh
Shades of gold displayed naturally"

I know we've got one hell of an amazing emotional bond. Frankly, this time two years ago, I never expected it to go farther than friends. But it did.

Babe, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

And what really irks me is that I see couples in the halls, holding hands, hugging, kissing (despite the no PDA rule), and those people really have no idea how good they've got it. It's sad, because odds are that those little relationships won't stand the test of time. My observation? Our generation is getting too material. That should be pretty obvious. We focus so much on our phones, our iPods and computers, our clothes, that we don't take time to work on having deep emotional relationships with our friends. In this case I'm excluding myself from the collective. I'm trying to get better, but even I have the occasional moment where I complain about something that really doesn't matter.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm impatient with this generation. I'm also looking forward to having the physical part of our relationship, because honestly we haven't spent that much time together since you joined the Army. I love the simple little gestures that mean so much. And hopefully, soon, we'll have that.

~marina {I tried to do handstands for you but every time I fell}

life support

The song from RENT... It's pretty good.

Daniel, my iPod is being supremely stupid, so I can't comment on your blog post. So I'm going to write a post in return.

I know you're having trouble right now, but trust me. We can get through this... You know that I'm always going to be here for you. Don't be afraid, it may be dark now, but it won't rain forever. Just stay strong. I love you.

~marina

rosemary

Song by the grateful dead.

I hate nights like this...

The kind of nights when I feel somewhat sad, for no real reason. The kind of nights that I wish I could just hold you in my arms and listen to your heartbeat and feel your breathing... To feel safe and warm, instead of feeling cold and very physically alone. Mentally and emotionally you're always with me...

I also hate that I have tons of clever things to say to you to make you smile, but then when you call I completely forget all of them. Well, I suppose I don't hate the fact, since just talking to you makes me forget basically everything and I love the blissful absentmindedness. It's an all-too-temporary escape from the stress around here.

I dearly hope that what you said actually happens, with as few problems as possible. It might sound selfish, but the truth is that I just want you back. Obviously your parents and friends do too... But it's slightly different for me. I love you so very much, Daniel.

~marina

new york city

So I really don't have much to say right now... But I felt like writing.

Sadly, that's all I can write. I'm kind of blank. Not sad or anything, just lacking a mood. I'll change the music I'm listening to, maybe that'll help.

It could also be because I've been laying in bed for the majority of the day, after sleeping for nearly twelve hours straight. Ha, I had a good day yesterday.

It's so cold in my room... I'm gonna need someone to cuddle with soon if the weather continues the way it's going. But odds are he'll be back sooner or later.

That's all for the moment. Peace.

~marina

miss murder

I used to really love this song. Now I just think it's okay.

So I guess behaving well and keeping up in classes does not draw unnecessary attention away from me. Seriously, I'm doing great in my classes and I've been a good little hippie but my mom still insists on drug testing me. I don't get it. I'm almost 18, so my life is becoming my own. I can handle the responsibility of my actions, but not if I'm not doing anything. Sad though it is, that's just my luck.

The bright side of this annoying scenario is that I'm trying to smooth out the rougher edges of my personality, and doing quite well. Robin's "about me" on facebook is kind of inspiring, I'll attach a screenshot of it...

Never mind, I can't do that... I'll just type it.

"For the first time in my life I have really started to grasp the idea of non-judgement in terms of myself, because that's all you can really relate to anything. Like, when you judge someone you're really just judging yourself and your own actions whether right or wrong. When you look at someone else with distaste or with disagreement and you're just feeding your own ego thinking that what you're doing is right, thinking that you're correct, when it's really not that way at all. I've been looking at my thoughts and my own actions and just noting them and when I take note of that they start to disappear."

Thank you, Robin. Maybe I can take that advice.

So for film studies I've been thinking about screenplay ideas, and the longer I think about it the more likely it seems that I'll adapt my story into the screenplay. A teenage girl struggling to gain her independence with her two best friends and boyfriend by her side. Sounds like it could work. Just have to make sure mom doesn't read it.

Strangely enough I've just been shuffling all the songs on my iPod and I forgot how many of these songs I like listening to. Random, yeah.

I'm out of things to say, so i'll call this good for now. It may be a while until I post something again... Till then, I wish you all peace, love, and happiness. Keep looking to the future, no matter how bad you feel. Keep positive. Positive vibes. They work wonders.

~marina {is, and will always be, a citizen of Nutopia, and misses her dear heart...}

terrapin station

Short post today, because I'm afraid that the wifi is going to kick me off soon... Pardon any spelling errors that I neglect to catch.

Got to play with human brains today, that was entertaining. My hands still smell like formaldehyde. I chose to only wear one glove. Ha. I'm a smart one.

Ashley might have tonsilitis, which really freakin sucks.

I'm waiting for an emal and not studying for german again...

Again, I'm smart.

I guess I'm just bored because my classes are so easy. I love it.

Peace, love, unity, respect.

~marina

love you till the end

So I wasn't exactly satisfied with my last post, and due to overwhelming loneliness, I have decided to write another about my favorite subject, my dear boyfriend.

Really I don't know how I'd be functioning right now if he wasn't helping me. He's my everything... The thought that wakes me in the morning, the reason I stay curled in my blankets for a while, the reason I almost always have a smile on my face. I can't help it, I giggle like a total girly girl when I talk about him... I'm really lucky. They say that every love gone wrong is just a step closer to your true love.

Incidentally, September 24th marks eight months that we've officially been dating, not that I've been counting or anything. Babe, I miss you so much... And I can't wait for you to come home.

I suppose I didn't have as much to say as I thought I did...

I had a late night last night, so I'm bound and determined to get to sleep early tonight. Gotta print out a screenplay and take a shower, then sleepytime.

~marina {is feeling somehow inside opalescent}

drunken lullabies.

Just kidding, I'm not singing drunken lullabies right now.

Main point! I got my senior picture proofs, and Daniel, you're gonna love them.

I mean wow. I'm really pretty.

Tomorrow's autumn dress day! So I have to remind people.

Not much else to say. September's flying by. I'm waiting on news regarding daniel's leave.

Classes are easy.

I had a great day and tomorrow may be just as awesome. We shall see.

Peace.

"you are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
But that is not enough
You're my angel in the night."

~marina

angel in the night (part two)

Alrighty, my room is still the eternal disaster area but at least my laundry is done.

On to the post.

I really am grateful for a lot of things. Today, I'm appreciating my hands. Weird though it may sound. My hands really reflect who I am and what I do. A pianist and flautist's hands. Long fingers, relatively long nails. They're delicate in appearance unless you look closely. Then you notice scars, scratches, hangnails, and calluses. And the claddagh ring of course. It's gotten to the point where I have worn it so much that I feel incomplete without it, and I've worn it in the sun enough that the skin underneath is still pale. All in all, I love my hands, because they get me through so much.

Hmm. What else...?

I love my poor wounded knee. I don't know why, but the assortment of bruises, scratches, and scrapes amuses me. I'm still not convinced that my kneecap is fine, though, because it doesn't feel right. It was a hell of a fall though, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Upcoming this week... Cadaver brains in psych on Wednesday. I'm excited, aside from dreading the smell. Probably won't be as bad as dissection month in fisheries last year though.
First day of fall is Tuesday, and Sydney and I had a random idea that may actually work, we're going to try to get a bunch of girls to wear dresses and skirts that day. We were recruiting people for the majority of the evening, which is part of the reason why I'm still awake, though I'm flipping exhausted. There's other stuff happening on Tuesday but I'm going to wait till afterwards to post something about it.

Despite it almost being autumn, I'm still listening to summery songs. "Sweet Honey" and "Positive Vibes" for instance. I really love all the seasons but I don't want summer to have come and gone so quickly. Next summer should be pretty amazing though. All I have to do is drag myself through senior year then I can have a little fun.

It's getting late, and I have seven hours left to sleep, so until next time, peace.

~marina {is permanantly black and blue, permanantly blue for you.}

angel in the night (part one)

I've probably used that as a post title before but hey, the song is stuck in my head again.

Anyways. I got to talk to Daniel. Which always pulls me out of whatever rut I was in to begin with, and in this case I was in a pretty bad rut. Last week had really good moments and really bad ones. But it ended well.

I just can't get over how in love I am. Anyone can tell you, Daniel is by far my favorite topic to talk about. I glow, I shine, I shimmer and radiate with pure emotion. It's so beautiful, our lunacy. I really want him to be able to come home early. He's been away for far too long.

However, it's nearly the end of September. Things are moving forward faster than I thought they ever would. But when he comes back, I bet I'll just want time to stand still. For now, though, the pace is fine.

I started this post with the intent to write a lot, but my disaster of a room is such a distraction... I suppose I'll try to write part two of the post after I rediscover what color my floor is...

Until then, deuces.

~marina {ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on.}

one of my turns.

I really have no idea what's going on with me. I mean obviously I've got a cold. But I feel like I'm losing my friendships, one by one. Kaylee routinely chooses to hang out with Sydney, Kevin is never around... I hang out with Ashley, Shay, and Jessica when I'm not all by myself. I don't really understand why... Maybe I'm retreating, maybe they are. I don't really know... I think I might just be growing up faster, mentally speaking. A lot of the jokes everyone else finds funny just seem stupid to me, and I find that my memory's working slightly faster, recalling everything from what I know about psych to german words that I taught myself ages ago. I can pay better attention in classes than I've ever been able to before, it's beyond weird. I don't know if it's good or bad, I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Homework time, I'll write more later.

~marina {feels like a lone wolf}

welcome to the machine.

I guess I don't have much to say, as usual.

Though I will take this opportunity to say this: never walk home from school barefoot. More specifically, don't be lazy and ride the bus on a day when you leave early.

I managed to let my phone die this afternoon, which wasn't annoying. What IS annoying is that little miss prissy scene queen Sydney has a class with Kevin, and I don't. And because I spend so much time with Kevin, I have very few close friends left. It's like fifth grade all over again, having no friends and being the smart kid in class... At least in German, where I can stand out for a little while. Band, oceanography, film studies, psych, and government are all classes where I can lay low and blend in, and generally just chill for the entirety of the class period.

What else happened today...? Oh, my friend Fancy overdosed on Skittles (no joke, she's allergic), I did my makeup halfway decently (neon eye shadows! Yay for violet, hot pink, and chartreuse!) and I also decided that the CleanStart system by Dermatologica is actually working pretty well. My face is finally clearing up! That's always good.

I guess I'm going to bike to school tomorrow, so I better get some sleep tonight. Later days.

~marina {we're just two lost souls swimmin in a fishbowl}

baby, you're a rich man.

This one's for mi amor, as usual.

So, weekend rundown.

Saturday. Went to Discovery Park with Becky and Ryan, and lo and behold, there's a fair going on. It's unheard of, at least at that park. Hot air balloon, marching band, the works. Well I stayed mostly out of the fair itself until Kevin finally decided to show up. Walked around a bit, went to linear park and played around in the creek, basically just enjoyed the day.

It was when I was walking Kevin back to his car that my day turned for the worse. I switched gears on my trusty bike, which somehow caused the chain to slip off the front gears, which caused my weight to shift suddenly and quite violently to my right. Not sure exactly if my bike landed on me or if I rolled, I guess what happened was that my right knee took most of the impact, then I rolled and ended up facing back the way I had come from. I thought I had broken my knee, but now I think it's a minor abrasion and it'll turn some lovely shades of blue, purple, and black. So it goes.

Today, Sunday. Nothing really substantial happened. I lazed around and iced my knee most of the day, one of my headphones shorted out, my mom yelled at me, I helped grandma with dinner, and now I'm listening to Basshunter and wishing Daniel would call. Okay, yeah, it's only been four or five days since I heard from him, but it's frustrating being without updates on how he's doing.

Anyways, school day tomorrow, and I decided that in spite of my knee, I'm going to wear my 5-inch Steve Madden heels to school, simply because I can. I dunno, I just really like these shoes :P

So I guess that's it for now. I'm out of substantial things to say. Seems to happen a lot, I blame school.

Time for a shower and then bed. Good night, world.

~marina

sweet honey

Excellent song. Slightly Stoopid is the artist. Look it up!

So if yesterday was the most boring day of my life, today was the complete opposite. Rode my bike to school... I love the freedom of biking, since I dislike school buses. Too many weirdos.

When I got to school, I went to film studies with Mr. Maselli, he's as cool as he was when I took one of his classes sophomore year. The class itself seems pretty straightforward.

On to band. Easy day, we pulled out the pep band music and played our loud obnoxious renditions of "Tear The Roof Off The Sucker", the Batman theme (complete with wes yelling "come, young squire, to the Batcave!"), "Children of Sanchez", "Can't Buy Me Love", "The Locomotion", and "Rock and Roll, Part Two (The Hey Song)", to name a few. Pep band game tomorrow, I can't go because of some dinner at Linfield. I figure it's a chance to wear my hippie dress with my killer heels... But I'm getting off-topic.

German 1, I swear I was the only one who understood anything Herr Gebauer was saying. It was annoyingly easy, with the question-answer format on the board. "wie heisst du?" "ich heisse Marina." Yet half the class kept telling Gebauer, "I don't get it, what are you asking, I'm so confused!" Morons. The lot of them. I think I'm the only senior in a class full of freshmen, and that's probably the case.

I sit in German and stare at the clock, until finally the annoying electronic bell goes off at 1:08. FREEDOM! So I book it out of the school, chat with Hernley for a minute, then take off down Evans street, headed for my second favorite place in Mac, my headphones blasting "Lysergic Bliss" at a comfortably earsplitting volume. The sun had come out shortly before I left, so I stuffed my jacket into my backpack when I unlocked my bike chain. Now I feel the sunlight on my skin as I'm biking, it reminds me that summer isn't over yet. I hang a right on 2nd street, left on Goucher (I think it was Goucher...) and pass through the first two sections of the linear park till I reach the creek. I chain my bike to a streetlight and step carefully across the creek to my haven.

It's honestly not much. Two little streams form a creek, and in the middle is a little spit of land, about three feet above the water's level. It's here I frequently stop to rest, eat lunch, and think about life. It's an inspiring little place, though.

So I pull out my lunch, still wrapped up in my sushi-patterned lunch bag that I made last year in clothing workshop. After I eat it (except for the banana I gave Kaylee earlier) I search around and manage to pick a handful of ripe blackberries. Perfect dessert.

By this time, I'm content with myself and I still have an hour till I have to walk Becky home. So I sit and listen to "Estimated Prophet" then decide I need something to drink. In no particular hurry, I make my way through the rest of the park, buy a Mountain Dew at Sweetmilks, then wander slowly back to the creek. I kill time by stopping to sit on a few benches and enjoying the view.

I go meet up with Becky when she gets out of school, and we head for home. When we reach Discovery park we stop, she gets a drink of water, while I chain up my bike and find somewhere cool to lay. Never mind the fact that it was a random patch of sidewalk. We're both sweating, tired, and we still have about three-quarters of a mile to go till we get home. I strike up a conversation with a random park ranger, who looks as exhausted as I feel. I mention the fountain, and wonder aloud why it isn't running on such a nice day. She promptly walks over and gets it running, and Becky and I hesitate for all of twenty seconds before putting our phones in our backpacks and running fully clothed into the icy water. I can't even begin to describe how fun it was. Cold water, warm sun, just sheer joy for a while. When we were both sufficiently soaked, we thank the park ranger and head for home.

So that was my day, I still reek of chlorine, sun, and Mountain Dew. Overall, one of the best days I've had all year. Hopefully all of my B days will be that enjoyable...

Anyhow, I have homework for most of my A days that I put off till now, so I should probably do that before I rinse all the chlorine off.

Wow, this is a longer blog post than I've written in a while... Rockin.

Oh, and I love you, Daniel. Don't have too much fun with those painkillers, and I hope to hear from you soon.

In closing, I'll leave you with the lyrics from my tied-for-current-favorite song.

"Wearing an olive drab
And feeling somehow inside opalescent
Wonder how I'm managing to smile oh
When I can't even pay my rent
Maybe it's because I finally found my little tulip
My Norge dear
Funny how in spite of all my woes
Life can appear rosy and clear
Rosy and clear

And I'm dizzy from her kiss
So vertiginous
Lost in lysergic bliss

Love the way you wear your curly hair
Sanguine and spiraling, tied in a bun
Love the way it flows about your face
Mercurially gilded by the sun
If we were a pair of jigsaw puzzle pieces
We would connect so perfectly
Creating a still photo of a scene
From the Phantom of Liberty

And I'm dizzy from her kiss
So vertiginous
Lost in lysergic bliss"

- "Lysergic Bliss" - of Montreal

~marina {is so in love...}

closing time

Said I'd post something else so I may as well live up to my word.

Problem is, I don't have anything to say, except that I really need a hug...

~marina

vegan in furs

So the first day of senior year... Described in one word.

Boredom.

Except for honors psych. Bunker is the very defintion of BAMF. And I'm sure Daniel will back me up on this one.

I may drop my precalculus class because I don't think I can stand to do much more math. I think my brain will explode if I stay there. I would rather use that period to study for my three other classes that day. I've got my hands full with my mentally exhausting A days.

Tomorrow ought to be nice though. Since I have second lunch and then open eighth, I have about two hours of free time. I'll probably bike to my favorite spot in Linear park and eat lunch there if the weather cooperates.

I've really gotta finish cleaning my room.. But I'll post something later for sure.

~marina

I've just seen a face

Rather, I haven't seen his face in person since February, but hopefully I will soon.

It's looking good, the chances anyways.

Well I may as well bid farewell to summer, since tomorrow is the first day of school. Time to take my place at the top of the food chain as a big bad senior. Time to take classes because I want to, not just because they're required. Time to bike to school instead of riding the bus. Time to start taking my life into my own hands. Accepting the responsibilities I'm given and taking opportunties when they arise.

Summer of '09: it's been fun, but it's time to move on. Next stop, summer of '10. Till then, I'll be in school mode, unless I'm with my friends or Daniel.

Goodbye, sunny days at Nature Park. Goodbye, blue sky. Goodbye, carefree days and mental vacations.

Hello, senior year.

"The windows open wide
Your innocence takes flight."
- "Tremble For My Beloved" - Collective Soul

~marina

so...

This is just a short post to inform people of how much of a genius I can be sometimes. I put all of my bedding in the washing machine at nine o'clock, just before I decided to crawl into bed. I don't have anything else to put on my bed.

Oh well, good night anyways.

~marina

loose lucy

Alright, I suppose I was overreacting a little to what happened. And for that I apologize, I didn't mean to take it so hard.

This is the world we live in, and injuries happen. I tell myself that when I get hurt, but if anyone else, especially someone I'm very close to, gets hurt, I totally flip.

I really have got to chill out and remember what I'm trying to live by.

Which also means getting rid of stalkers and creeper 23-year-old marines that insist on hitting on me. It's like, seriously, get a life. Go bug someone else for a change.

Anyhow, school supply shopping today, I think, so i'd better go find my schedule, wherever it's lurking today.

"Summertime done
Come and gone
My oh my."
-"US Blues" - Grateful Dead

~marina

Sandstorm

I guess all I can do for now is sit tight, keep my cool, and cross my fingers... Not much else I can do, really. Kill time with music. Space out in school. Let my brain take the occasional vacation, and wait for my phone to ring

~marina

Time

I can't even begin to describe how much I miss you. If I so much as try, I'm speechless and redundant...

"cause 'I love you's not enough, I'm lost for words."

I'm both dreading and welcoming the beginning of the new school year... I think that if I can get myself in the right state of mind, the rest of the time will fly by... But I've adopted your mantra. I don't know. But really, who does?

When you called me today I had this irrational fear that you would say that you didn't need me, didn't want me anymore... The news that it was an injury was bittersweet. People get hurt when they fight, I should have heard that in your voice. But the fact that while I was sleeping, so naive and innocent, lost in dreams, you were in pain... I just don't know why I was so scared today.

The truth is, you're my heart, and I don't want to ever lose you.

I really am lost as to what to say next.

I love you so much, and I just want you to come home... To see you again, to make up the time we haven't spent together. I want to be everything to you.

It's just so stressful... But I know it'll get better. It's just a matter of time.

"ticking away
The moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground
In your hometown
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way."
- "Time" - Pink Floyd

~marina

Disconnect the dots

So I'm finding myself pretty confused.

I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to get hurt.

I just want to live my life... The way I want to. But I don't know what to do, what the first step in this long journey is.

I just need to wait and see what the future holds.

~marina

wraith pinned to the mist and other games

So if you're wondering why my picture is gone I have three words for you.

iPod touches suck.

So far I've lost an email, several myspace status changes, a picture, and my patience, all for the sake of having Internet. Guess I have to live with it.

~marina

waiting

"Dumbstruck
Color me stupid
Good luck
You're gonna need it
Where I'm going if I get there at all
Wake up
Better thank your lucky stars"
- "Waiting" - Green Day

So the rain has started to fall on good old Mac once again, just another reminder to me that school's about to start and that autumn is on its way.

Pink Floyd = Amazing.

~Marina

estimated prophet

"my time comin, any day
don't worry 'bout me, no
seems so long I felt this way
ain't in no hurry, no."

Why is it that I always find myself here on my blog with nothing substantial to say?

I guess it's summer or something.

I did, however, get some of my senior pictures taken yesterday. Images by Claudio, highly recommended. I don't have the energy to talk about it though...

Only about three months (roughly) till we can be together again...

~marina

blackened blue eyes.

So I thought I'd show my blog some long-awaited love, despite not having much to say.

I had a strangely vivid dream last night, the contents of which I told Daniel, and for the rest of you, I'll tell you that I did in fact wake up close to tears. Not because the dream was sad, but because it was so real and so blissful.

I don't know.

But who really does?

I just want to get the next few months over and done with...

I just want us to be together.

I do often wonder what I did to make fate turn as it has. I wonder how I got so lucky.

Any time I talk to him he makes me feel like a princess one minute, makes me crack up laughing the next, and with every sentence he speaks or writes, I fall a little more in love with him. Even IF the phone system is routinely screwed up, we work our way around it.

The time has come once again for me to bid the world goodbye, until tomorrow.

Peace and love.

~marina

hot july ain't good to me, I'm pink and black and blue for you.

So, it's been a while since I actually had the motivation, or the time, rather, to post something here. I guess I'll try right now, before the shower's summons become too strong to resist.

I could officially be a licensed driver TOMORROW. Too bad I still lack about 38 hours' worth of driving. It's a shame, but I'll get over it.

On the bright side, august is nearly halfway over already. School's just around the corner. The sooner the better, I need to get my mind into the school rut so the remaining couple of months will go by.

So much for a long post, I have to do a major favor for a friend. Later.

~marina

Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.

Title and all following quotes courtesy of John Lennon.

I never thought I'd be this special to someone...

Precious enough to stay with forever.

“Everything is clearer when you're in love.”

He captured my attention. Then my mind, then my heart.

I'm his. Completely.

The silver band circling my ring finger is more than proof.

The hands clasping the crowned heart, a traditional claddagh ring.

I'm overcome with joy, pride, and a multitude of every other feeling that comes hand-in-hand with love.

And with that, I'll sleep soundly tonight.

Ropes camp on Monday, incidentally. Meaning Tuesday night, I'll have the best night's sleep I've had for months. Climbing and jumping does that do you.

~marina

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”

i'll send all my loving to you.

It's official.

Ah, fine, I mean, it's been official...

I am in love.

BIG difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone...

but I think in this case...

There is no doubt.

God, I hate it when I can't think of something to say...

Daniel, I love you. Stay safe.

~marina

963 miles to home.

That took freaking forever.

Not really, but it's good to be home.

We left on friday, saw the caves on saturday, saw the redwoods on sunday, and saw the coast on monday.

There's the long story short.

Moving along. Camp starts on Monday, and I get to hang out with Kev there so maybe it'll be bearable XD

I'm planning on singing a Beatles song for the No-Talent show... Either "Hey Jude" "All You Need Is Love" or "Blackbird" but I don't know yet.

*sigh*

So I am currently waiting on incoming AND outgoing mail to Daniel... I sent my letter about a week ago, and it better damn well be there within the next two weeks or I'm gonna be very annoyed :P

Anyways, that's all I have to say.

Loves <333
~marina

as if you actually were inside a saltwater room

Yeah, I really love this song by Owl City, and not just because it reminds me of Daniel (then again, what song *doesn't*?)
I like Owl City in general because of the lyrics. They sound playful and sometimes random, what with the way he sings them. But he has a cute voice. But it's not the right voice, the one I miss so much.

I also found out how difficult it is to blog via iPod touch. So I'll sign off for now, but when we get home I'll post something about our whole road trip :D

~marina

never think.

"I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't

You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh Love
So call me by my name

And oh, save your soul
save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
To tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out of this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying oh please
I'm in love
I'm in love

Girl save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're too far gone
And before nothing can be done

'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Hold on"
-"Never Think" - Robert Pattinson

Life is moving too fast and too slow.

~marina

let me sign.

"She was standing there by
The broken tree
Her hands are all twisted
She's pointing at me
I was damned by light comin'
Out of her eyes she
Spoke with a voice that
Disrupted the sky
She said walk on over here
To the bitter shade
I will wrap you in my arms
And you'll know you've been saved
Let me sign
Let me sign"
-"Let Me Sign" - Robert Pattinson

go all the way (into the twilight)

Again, another short post.

I've got a lot on my mind but not a lot to say.

I'm still speechless from a few days ago.

But my letter should be en route to Afghanistan... (I hope...)

Now I just have to find some way to occupy my time.

~marina

two hornpipes (tortuga)

I've begun to realize that I really need to start planning for after high school.

I need to learn to live on my own.

I need to figure out where I'm going to college.

I just need to plan.

But I don't want to be tied down.

I want to fly.

~marina

picture yourself in a boat on a river.

So basically my day is looking pretty boring as usual.
With no driver's ed to go to, and camp two weeks away, I've got to find something to do.

I managed to get myself sunburned yesterday. On my way to a delightful shade of tan, once it starts peeling.

Kevin's a genius and came up with a simple but hilariously fun game with word associations, and languages are so much fun, I can't help but play. We went from red to horses in only three hours.

Yep, that's all I have to say right now, but I'm planning a crazy post for later :)

~marina

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
And remember I'll always be true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend that I'm kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you."

'All My Loving" - The Beatles

Yeah, that's all I really have to say...

~marina

so it goes.

it's really difficult to think about much else than what's right in front of me.

Summer's half over and I need to get back into the school mode, I really do.

Luckily I don't need to worry about it for a little while longer.

I just need to find a hobby, SOMETHING to keep me busy, because this boredom is about to kill me.

"Now I cannot speak
I've lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
Cause 'I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words."

I need to write some more but I'm out of ideas.

Too bad, all that is left in this brain of mine are a plethora of lyrics and the contents of one letter.

Thus far the only excitement I have to look forward to today is driver's ed, where we get to listen to another trauma nurse talk about the dangers of not wearing a seatbelt, and then get to try wearing goggles that affect your vision to different levels of alcohol intoxication.
(as long as it doesn't involve too much nausea, it ought to be fun. I would really rather not repeat last time I had an alcohol-related experience.)

That'll probably change in time, but for now, alcohol is O-U-T.

Ah, I just remembered something of interest.

I need ideas for my future tattoo.

Not to steal Daniel's idea but Rachel and I think that a koi tattoo would be pretty awesome. Key differences: upper back, not half-sleeve; blue, not orange; probably surrounded by flowers of some sort.

I had an idea earlier about a sort of combination of a bunch of different things into one symbolic tattoo... Like a dolphin, and the Gemini symbol, the DSOTM prism, and beyond that I had no other ideas.

But this fish is looking likely.

If you have any other ideas, do not hesitate to tell me via comment, please and thank you!

All I have to do is wait 10 months to be able to get the tattoo.

~marina

I may have just posted something less than half an hour ago, but I literally have nothing to do now.

Mom and Becky are de-flea-ing the house. Ohhhh joy.

I really want to say something poetic but I can't think. My head is spinning like a very content and happy carousel.

I really want school to start so I can get my mind moving again, so the remaining 153 or so days will fly by (but who's counting?)

Though a bit sooner than that, this weekend ought to be interesting. Driver's ed is over on Wednesday, last drive on Thursday, and then hopefully on Sunday... Hopefully I'll get to enjoy myself, relax and let my mind go.

I have to say that this blogging via phone is pretty convenient. Not that many people read my blog, but I like to go through every once in a while and revisit my thoughts.

Well I'm feeling particularly chill so I guess I'll just lay on the couch and listen to music.

Peace.

~marina

scarlet begonias

"Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right."
'Scarlet Begonias' - Grateful Dead

Did I mention that I highly dislike begonias?
Strange name for a flower.
Also just a strange flower.

Anyways, the point of that quote was that my day has been made THREE MILLION times better (maybe more) because the letter I've been waiting for was in the mail today.

I just about burst into tears after reading it.
Total "awww" moment.
Total hug moment too, but I'll delay that till December.

It's been years since someone actually sent me a letter, and now I know how amazing it is to have someone care enough to write.

It's a really great feeling.

And then when I told kaylee, she immediately said something that made me laugh.

"That is the cutest thing in the whole widest of the worlds! :D now we just need to discuss the matter of what color my bridesmaid's dress shall be :D"

Ah, crazy chick.

I'm attempting to get ahold of Kevin because he's got something of mine and I would really appreciate if he'd give it back XD

Anyways, I guess I've got a letter to read and re-read, over and over again :)

~marina

anger is more distracting than drugs or alcohol.

so says the trauma nurse that came in to talk to our class.

Luckily I'm not going to drive until tomorrow.

So nobody has to worry about that.

God, I wish I was 18 by now.

Then I could move out.

And Daniel would be back for the summer.

And I wouldn't be so damn angry.

~marina

"Take me above your light
Carry me through the night
Hold me secure in flight
Sing me to sleep tonight"
'Hello Seattle' - Owl City

I guess getting up at ten isn't considered sleeping in if I went to sleep at three. Oh well. I'm not tired anymore, and that's all that matters.

Still no letter, maybe it'll be here today.
I honestly don't know.

The suspense is unbearable.

And speaking of unbearable, it's Turkey Rama weekend. As mom calls it, turkey trauma. My plan? I'm sitting inside until our 5th drive tomorrow.

But no use trying to take a nap after I'm already irreversibly awake.

So what am I to do, with a whole weekend before me and nothing to occupy my time?

Listening to my iPod sounds like a pretty good waste of time, I suppose.

~marina

Caffeine's effects on my writing.

"In humans, caffeine is a central nervous system (CNS) stimulant, having the effect of temporarily warding off drowsiness and restoring alertness. Beverages containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea, soft drinks, and energy drinks enjoy great popularity. Caffeine is the world's most widely consumed psychoactive substance, but unlike many other psychoactive substances it is legal and unregulated in nearly all jurisdictions. In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration lists caffeine as a "Multiple Purpose Generally Recognized as Safe Food Substance".
An acute overdose of caffeine, usually in excess of about 300 milligrams, dependent on body weight and level of caffeine tolerance, can result in a state of central nervous system over-stimulation called caffeine intoxication (DSM-IV 305.90), or colloquially the "caffeine jitters". The symptoms of caffeine intoxication are not unlike overdoses of other stimulants. It may include restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushing of the face, increased urination, gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, a rambling flow of thought and speech, irritability, irregular or rapid heart beat, and psychomotor agitation. In cases of much larger overdoses, mania, depression, lapses in judgment, disorientation, disinhibition, delusions, hallucinations, and psychosis may occur, and rhabdomyolysis (breakdown of skeletal muscle tissue) can be provoked."

Oy veh.
What have I gotten myself into today?
WAY too much caffeine, and now I can barely type without my fingers shaking. I'm acting like a severely paranoid person XD
it'll wear off soon... right?

whoo. craziness.
I'd take a nap if I weren't so jittery.
My brain isn't functioning.
Gah.
I really want to write something but I can't think of anything...

Maybe I'll post something via phone later.

~marina

So as I'm laying here in bed, surrounded by darkness, and listening to 105.9, I still have nothing substantial to say. You'd think that after seeing my best friend for the first time in a week I'd be ready for a long blog post, but sadly, that's not the case.
My mind's awash in a sea of thoughts.
I never stop thinking about Daniel. About December. About next summer.
Somehow I'm not as articulate as I usually am.
I probably just need sleep.

So good night, world, I'll see you in the morning.

~marina

who needs a title?

Finally get the chance to use the computer, and I can't think of anything to say.

I love you, Daniel.

~marina

Love's a strange creature.

Since I haven't been quite faithful to my blog in the last few months, I'm going to write a freestyle poem. as soon as I think of something to write about...


It seems to me that even the most incessant of noises
eventually become something you can't function without.
I wonder how two metal rectangles can make such a racket
when they're so close to my heart,
and why the chain leaves its pattern
in abstract curving lines on my skin.
Do I mind?
Absolutely not.

Because there are few of us
who have the privilege
of wearing Daniel W. Kouns' dog tags.

I can recite everything on the tags from memory.
Name, social security number, blood type
and lack of a religious preference.
I wear them with pride and honor.

December is a long time to wait
but the reward is worth the heartache.

I promised that I'd wait for you
But will you still want me when you come back?


"The stars in the sky
Illuminate below
The light is the sign
That love will guide you home."
-AvA

~marina

I'm one horribly confused person.

I think I messed up, big time.
Who would have thought that telling the truth would hurt so bad?

The problem is, I don't know if what I said was the truth.

And that makes me feel terrible, because if I'm deluding myself, then I really need to get my head straight and figure things out.

I'm walking a knife edge right now. There are only two safe ways to fall. The side I'm currently tempted to choose would probably only lead to disaster. The side I know i should choose, the other side, seems like the better choice, safer in the long run.
I have to choose a side or I'll be torn in half.

I don't want to have to pick up the pieces of my broken heart again.
I don't think I could.

Sometimes I really hate myself.
This is one of those times.

I need to make some changes.
I need to talk to Daniel.
I need a vacation from this vacation.

~marina

just because.

I really don't have much to say today but my blog was sending out needy vibes.
I promise, even though nobody ever seems to read this, that I'll post a substantial, juicy post soon.

~marina

for heaven's sake.

Alright I'm getting pretty sick of this person's crap.
She is "myspacing" our friends.
She's trying to be someone she isn't. (scene kids don't wear tie-dye.)
She's under her eternal gray cloud that doesn't exist.

I am
SERIOUSLY pissed off right now.

Also I'm mad at the phone system.
I just want to talk to daniel and his phone keeps dropping the call *sigh*
plus his letter hasn't arrived yet.
*another sigh*

patience is a virtue.

~marina

Remember

Different point of view:
She stood, looking into my eyes, with a pain in her gaze that nearly broke my heart.
Careful movements. Don't let her persuade you...
But her smooth fingertips brushed my neck, and her crystal blue eyes shimmered with the threat of tears. In the dark and the silence, her heartbeat was loud and rapid. As I wrapped my arms around her, she was shivering. Terrified. And I missed her even before we said goodbye.


Daniel, this is for you.


Living without you around makes for an interesting life.
I revisit places we've been, places that even now, seem different. Colder.
But there's still an energy there. Even that ordinary patch of sidewalk next to a track...
I remember
that single tree in the middle of the orchard.
I remember how cold it was, how dark.
How my leg fell asleep and how you helped me to the ground.
How your dogtags tangled with my necklace in my pocket.
The bright, unsteady light that flashed across your face while we sat together, while I looked into your eyes.
I remember your hand in mine.
How warm your hands were.
How warm your eyes were.
How I begged you to take me with you...

How we spent what little time we had, before you left.

I can't wait to see you again.


"Stars fall like dust, our lips will touch, we speak too much."

I love you.

~marina

A&A

I'm From...

I'm from the sea,
The Latin root
A renamed child
Inspiration from a half-Greek sci-fi actress.

I'm from Disney-themed clothes,
Disney toys, Disney dishes.
The animals were my favorites
Since all my Barbies ended up dismembered.
(I couldn't stand their perfect bodies,
perfect faces, perfect hair.)

I'm from a canopy bed
where my imaginary friends
threw imaginary parties
on a soft trampoline of white fabric above my head.
While they napped
I played a biblical version of Steppenwolf's
"Magic Carpet Ride"
where I saved all my stuffed animals
from impending doom
by rescuing them with a lasso.
When that didn't work
(it never did)
I just carried them and placed them in their rightful spots.
With an atlas we plotted our trip
Antarctica to Australia to Alaska.

I'm from one of the happiest places on Earth
where I compared my long hair to Princess Jasmine's.
I was terrified to ride Splash Mountain
I was terrified of everything
the noises, the lights, the people.
I'd never been happier to go home.

I'm from a constantly changing house
Down goes the deck, up comes
a glass sunroom, looking up at the cottonwood trees
I watched the summer wind bring us
their downy snow in July.

I'm from scooter races in the cul-de-sac,
covering our bodies with colorful chalk
Dancing to scare off the neighborhood witch
Who died of a stroke years later.
I'm from sun-warmed asphalt
that burned my bare feet
in the summer.
The air conditioner was a godsend.

I'm from a closet under the stairs
Star-patterned wallpaper and tan carpet,
just enough space for a curled-up teen.
I made my own night sky
with a bottle of glow-in-the-dark fabric paint
dotted across the angled ceiling.
Pictures of two green fairies on the wall
One of them absinthe.

I'm from my own world of scarlet pain
using whatever I could
to tally my sorrows in scratches across my arm.
from downcast eyes
oversized clothes to hide myself as far from others as I could.

I'm from ropes camp,
the constant rustling of leaves outside the cabins.
bugs in the lights, bugs on the floor.
Late-night conversations hushed again and again
by irritable counselors.
The sky so dark, velvet blue
with crystalline stars sparkling
too many to count.
The dancing, the singing,
the tears from surprising emotion.
Rope burns, bark scratches,
all for the thrill of leaping from daring heights
and trusting your team to catch you.

I'm from broken hearts and reparations
sharing unbelievable new things
with unbelievable new people
watching swirling patterns in front of my eyes
feeling the intensity that I'd never noticed before.

I'm from a series of explorations.
Deep, dark secrets best unearthed.
Learning that my life philosophy
is taken from a musical.
"there's only us, there's only this
forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
no day but today."
Sharing my perspective
seeing into someone else's thoughts
taking opportunities when they arise
discovering the hidden beauty in the monotonous routine.

I'm from this little blue-green planet
a nearly irrelevant speck in the galaxy.

I'm from this country
under new management
dying economy, threatening messages
wrapped so tightly in our money blanket
we can't feel the breath of our world
whispering for help.

I'm from this state
Green, green, green.
Beavers and ducks
Coastline and desert
huddled in our valley
we watch the rain fall.

I'm from this town
Too big to know everyone, too small to be anonymous.
where houses appear like they've been pressed from a mold.

I'm from this house
creaking floorboards
intermittent heat
two four-legged animals in the house,
three two-legged ones outside.
A piano shares a room with a computer
and an rocking couch with scratchy upholstery.
New couches in an old room,
new electronics against old walls.

I'm from this room
six by eighteen by six.
A closet, unheated.
an electric blanket is my only warmth.
Pictures line the walls
friends' faces over my pillow
illuminated by the single bare bulb near the ceiling.
a mattress on the floor
a cushion on the floor
clothes on the floor.
A cardboard box for a nightstand.
Never completely clean.
My sanctuary.

I'm from a world of turmoil
yet a world of beauty
a world of happiness within misery.
Claw your way through this disguise
and you'll find me hiding inside.

I Am.

This is one attempt at my creative writing "I am" poem.
It directly follows the template I was given.


I am a dreamer.
I wonder how many lenses life can be seen through.
I feel surrounded by life and filled with potential.
I worry that others won't understand me.
I hope for the chance to fly.
I am a dreamer.

I am a risk taker.
I dream of a world so unlike ours.
I need to share headspace with others.
I understand I can push the limits.
I believe I can go farther.
I am a risk taker.

I am me.
I wish for everyone to hear their melody.
I try to make an impact.
I fear utter isolation.
I love who I am.
I am me.

The Budding Psychonaut

Psychonaut
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This article is about people who explore their inner psyche, and related practices; for other uses, see Psychonaut (disambiguation).
This article does not cite any references or sources. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources (ideally, using inline citations). Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (May 2007)

A psychonaut (a modern portmanteau of the Greek ψυχή (soul) and ναύτης (sailor), that is, a sailor of the mind/soul) is a person who experiences intentionally induced altered states of consciousness in an attempt to investigate his or her mind, and possibly address spiritual questions, through direct experience. Psychonauts tend to be pluralistic, willing to explore mystical traditions from established world religions, meditation, lucid dreaming, technologies such as brainwave entrainment and sensory deprivation, and often psychedelic drugs (entheogens). Because techniques that alter consciousness can be dangerous, and can induce a state of extreme susceptibility, psychonauts generally prefer to undertake these explorations either alone, or in the company of people they trust. Therefore, they are averse to using altered consciousness in a "party" context. Psychonauts generally regard the latter sort of use as irresponsible and dangerous.

Goals of psychonautic practices may be to answer questions about how the mind works, improve one's psychological state, answer existential or spiritual questions, or improve cognitive performance in everyday life.

Contents
1 Term
2 Use of the term
3 Associated concepts, technologies, and practices
3.1 Concepts
3.1.1 Brain function
3.1.2 Mythical archetypes and concepts
3.1.3 Metaphysics
3.2 Technologies and practices
3.2.1 Hallucinogens/entheogens
3.2.2 Cannabis
3.2.3 Dreams
3.2.4 Meditation
3.2.5 Ritual
3.2.6 Other
4 References
5 External links



Term
While some psychonauts abstain from psychoactive drugs and discourage their use, others encourage it, and the term "psychonaut" is often misinterpreted as implying frequent drug use. Most psychonauts maintain that their use of altered consciousness is different from social or recreational use, and their use may or may not have a religious or spiritual significance to them.

According to Jonathan Ott, the word psychonaut was originally coined by the German author Ernst Jünger.


Use of the term
Psychonaut is a modern term used to describe one who uses trance technologies and, more specifically mind-altering substances, more for their ability to act as entheogens than for their inebriating (or social) effect. In effect, they are used as a means to achieve states of mind in which different perceptions, unhindered by everyday mental filters and processes, can arise. Psychonauts believe that when a mind-altering substance is used with this intent, its effects can be life altering and are not mere hallucinations. An alternate description is that while some aspects of the experience may be hallucinatory, the realizations caused by those hallucinations and the mental, emotional and long term impact of the experience are real, usually positive, and enduring.

The term is often associated with neoshamanic practices; however, many distinguish between the mental exploration of the psychonaut and healing-oriented shamanic practice.


Associated concepts, technologies, and practices

Concepts

Brain function
Psychonautics may be considered an attempt to generate a user's manual for the human brain. Unlike psychology, which is concerned with understanding other people, psychonauts are more concerned with understanding themselves, and the process of self exploration; accordingly, they engage in direct exploration of themselves and their own thought processes.

As such, psychonauts seek to experientially understand mental process and functioning and employ such knowledge in their activities. Key to this is auto-modification of brain wave frequencies, which can lead to quite distinct perceptual states; a detailed examination and understanding of one's own thought processes, habits, and beliefs is also sought.[citation needed] Hallucinatory states, drug-induced or otherwise, are seen as a form of subliminal symbolism or as a real but distinct reality; as with other processes of the mind, psychonauts seek to understand these. These states often simultaneously dissociate the mind from the ego and offer a subjective view of one's mental processes. Psychological theories and concepts are also often taken into account, particularly those of Carl G. Jung and Abraham Maslow.

This is also ideally practically applied in bettering one's self through the knowledge of one's own thought processes; with this understanding and heightened perception of one's own internal dialogue, it is thought that one is more able to control his own ego, and detach oneself from what is seen as a herd mentality common to modern culture.


Mythical archetypes and concepts
Psychonauts, as described in the Tibetan Book of the Dead, place emphasis on various mythical archetypes and concepts, believing that these are useful to coming to understand one's own thought patterns and the nature of existence, reflecting realities and meanings that should be understood, rather than being irrelevant fantasy. As in shamanic practice, the Axis mundi is often employed, often overlaid with chakras and other relevant concepts of bodily function; the Kabbalist Tree of Life and its chakra-like sephirot is one notable example of this in mythology. The nature of karma is often explored in trying to understand one's own situation, actions, and relation to the outside world.


Metaphysics
Psychonauts are often interested in metaphysics, the branch of philosophy dealing with the ultimate nature of reality or existence; it is thought that in coming to some understanding of how the universe functions and the nature of existence, one would be better able to govern themselves accordingly and integrate their life experiences.


Technologies and practices

Hallucinogens/entheogens
The technology and practice most often associated with psychonauts is the use of psychedelic drugs for mental exploration. The method of use varies widely; such usage is often (but not always) entheogenic and informed by traditional shamanic uses of psychedelic drugs and rituals surrounding such usage.

Some psychedelics and dissociatives commonly used by psychonauts include:

Psilocybin mushrooms like Psilocybe cubensis, also known as shrooms or Magic Mushrooms
Psychoactive Cacti such as Peyote and San Pedro, which contain mescaline
Salvia Divinorum, which contains salvinorin A
Ayahuasca, a combination of MAO inhibitors and DMT
DMT crystals, vaporized
LSA commonly extracted from Hawaiian Baby Woodrose and Morning Glory seeds (though they can also simply be chewed)
LSD
MDMA

Less common:

Amanita muscaria
Coca
Ibogaine
Ketamine
2C-E
2C-I
2C-B
2C-T-2
2C-T-7
2C-T-21
Kratom
Opium
PCP
DXM
Though avoided by most modern psychonauts, certain species of the Nightshade family have been used for psychoactive purposes throughout human history. The most common of these is Datura stramonium, which is classified as a deliriant, not as a psychedelic. Datura is rarely used by psychonauts because control and lucidity are lost in a delirious state, and the experience is often not remembered. Similarly, psychonauts often prefer to consume salvia via the "quid" method, rather than inducing an intense, short-lived trip associated with smoking extracts. With deliriants like datura, self-inflicted injury and even death can occur. Nevertheless, deliriants are still occasionally employed in psychonautics.


Cannabis
Cannabis is often used individually, or in combination with many hallucinogens to amplify and extend the experience. The drug THC (the main psychoactive chemical in Cannabis) is technically classified as a hallucinogen with both sedative and stimulant properties. Though it is generally considered a "light hallucinogen," its synergistic effect with other hallucinogens is rather potent.


Dreams
As dreams are considered by psychonauts to be a window into thought processes, many keep dream journals in order to better remember dreams and further their understanding of their own symbolic internal dialogue. Many attempt to not only remember their dreams, but engage in lucid dreaming, in which one is consciously aware of their state while dreaming.


Meditation
There are various forms of meditation though the most commonly practiced is 'concentration meditation' where the meditator seeks to quiet the activity of his/her mind by concentrating/focusing attention upon a single object, sound, sensation or thought. The mastering of concentration meditation often leads to profound insights as well as preparing the meditator for more advanced techniques. Meditation provides a drug free way to expanded consciousness though effort and patience are required.


Ritual
Ritual is often employed for purposes of grounding and centering one's self, to set one's focus and intentions, and to instill a conception of the significance and depth of psychonautical practice. Repeated use of ritual may also train the brain to associate certain activities and states of consciousness with specific situations, creating deeper experiences and allowing one to more easily enter altered states of consciousness.


Other
Other technologies and practices employed include:

Sleep deprivation
Isolation tank
Sensory deprivation
Sensory overload
Sex
Fasting
Psychomanteum, a dark-room retreat
Brainwave synchronization also as "Brainwave entrainment"
Glossolalia
Lucid dreaming
Hypnosis
Mind machines
Dreamachine
Astral Projection


--------------


I am a mind-sailor.
I want to learn more about myself, so this is who I am.

~mimi

I know I'm a techno-hippie.

Three of my most-played songs on my iPod...
The rest of them are also psychedelic rock (more Pink Floyd) or some form of techno, trance, or rave.

Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

When you can't deal with the pain any more, you retreat somewhere deep within yourself, and you become comfortably numb.

Ravers Fantasy by Tune Up!

This song has the kind of beat that makes you want to jump up and dance, no matter how low you feel. It never fails to cheer me up.
"this is my melody / and it's just the Ravers Fantasy / and I know if you're in love with me tonight / we're ravin' through the night"

Sandstorm by Darude

Best. Techno. Song. Ever.

Mental stability

I'd say now that the condition of my brain is much more stable than ever.
I don't have wild mood swings like I used to.
I'm more mellow, no super-depressed state.

There are a lot of things that could have contributed to that.

And maybe soon I'll be even more aware of who I am.

I might have a difference perception of myself than before, but I still have only a fraction of a clue about my identity.
I'm looking forward to what lies ahead for me.

~Mimi

Permits, Puppies, UAs, and the Forks High School Prom

God, I'm so confused.
When you like one person... but you like another person...
and you have a really deep connection with both of them...
One more so than the other.

Ugh.

Well last night was great anyways.
Lots of dancing and eventually the music got better.
Two slow dances...
I got so shy!
Haha.
Oh god.
Awkward moments too.
Wesley's mother... *gagbarf*

I got my real permit, not the crappy little plastic one.

Woot.

I want a VW bus.

The one I saw on craigslist.

:)

I'm gonna look that up.

~mimi

PS. we have a puppy.
Great.
._.

The world (in depth)

Though I got my permit easily last week, I've managed to get it taken away.
It's my fault, I knew the consequences before I even started.
I might get it back if I take a drug test and the results are negative.

I can't say I regret doing anything, because I'm quite satisfied with the way I've been living.

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."
-Bob Marley

I wasn't much of a risk taker at first. Probably because I attended Catholic grade school. Now I realize just how much I was missing.

Thank you to all my friends who have shared crazy, peaceful, messed up, fun, or just plain hysterical moments with me. You guys know who you are ;)

And special thanks to my best friend (here in mac of course)
Who taught me about the world...
Who helped to repay the trees we may have injured...
Who let me teach him the story of the Memorial Fountain...
Who I owe my sanity to...
Who I told my life story to in a matter of a few hours.
Who shared with me a fabulous experience that was better than I ever hoped it to be.
Who shares food, thoughts, dreams, and interests with me on a daily basis.
We know the sheer amazingness of orange juice, Cheese-its, cough drops, and glow sticks, of tree bark and flowers, of eye colors and trampolines and stars and back massages, of the world in and of itself.

To see it as it really is, we have to get rid of our hate, our hesitation, our "I'm not good enough" complex... we have to live in peace with everything and everyone!
I don't understand why people can't get that.

When we were sightreading a piece at the George Fox Band Festival last week, Mr. Elliot said that if we took anything away from that day, it was one word.

LISTEN.

This can be applied to every day!

We have senses for a reason.
So we can percieve what is going on around us.

Some people percieve the world like this:
Sight.
Hearing.
Touch.
Taste.
Smell.

What we need to do is take more time to "stop and smell the roses."

We need to
SEE instead of look.
LISTEN instead of hear.
FEEL instead of touch.
TAKE IN scents instead of smelling them.
ANALYZE FLAVORS instead of just tasting them.

There's so much we're missing out on!
Look at the little things in life.
Flowers, trees, and other plants, for instance.

They're pretty to look at. Lots of colors.
each flower is different. each is unique. look at the veins on the petals, the structure of the leaves and stems.
Some of them smell good.
millions of years' worth of adapting the pheremones to attract just the right creatures. the pheremones even affect us in different ways.
We eat some of them.
they've evolved over such a long time, they know how to taste so animals (us included) will eat them and take the seeds elsewhere, furthering the lineage.
They make noise.
the wind through tree leaves, a sound we all take for granted.
They all have a different texture.
trees are just begging to be touched. the differences simply between birch and cedar, pine and aspen, are so remarkable.

On that same subject, plants are the healthiest edible substances we can eat.
They contain massive amounts of nutrients, vital minerals and vitamins that we need to survive.
Our bodies have adapted to eat this kind of food and to digest it in the most efficient way.

Then come the corporations.
They make substances like peanut butter more appetizing in texture by using hydrogenated oils.
For them, it's less expensive.
It also produces that creamy texture that we all know and love in Jif peanut butter.
mmm... coronary heart disease, all nice and packaged for convenience.
Liver dysfunction, infertility, Alzheimer's, cancer, diabetes, and of course obesity.
All caused by trans fats.

Natural, organic peanut butter, unlike commercial-made, has a key difference.
With no hydrogenated oils, if natural peanut butter is left sitting out, it will seperate into the oil and the paste.

Peanut butter with hydrogenated vegetable oil doesn't do that.

Regular nuts and seeds contain Omega-3 and Omega-6.

Good stuff.

I have to cut this post short, I may write more later.

~Mimi

the world...

is quite amazing.

There's no possible way I could even start describing how I felt...
How I now feel.

Only one person knows how my brain's working right now.

~Mimi

Innocence percentage. (31% innocent)

01. Smoked X
02. Drank alcohol X
03. Cried when someone died X
04. Been drunk X
05. Had sex
06. Been to a concert X
07. Gotten/given a hand job
08. Been verbally/sexually harassed X
09. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody X
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up X
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend X
15. Been to prom X
16. Cried at school X
17. Gotten lost in a Wal-Mart or a department store X
18. Went streaking
19. Given or received a lap dance
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 30%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over X
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house X
23. Kissed a stranger X
24. Hugged a stranger X
25. Went scuba diving
26. Driven a car X
27. Gotten an x-ray X
28. Hit by a car
29. Had a party X
30. Done drugs X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 26%

31. Played strip poker/darts/pool
32. Got paid to strip for someone
33. Run away from home
34. Broken a bone X
35. Eaten sushi X
36. Bought porn
37. Watched porn
38. Made porn
39. Made beans X
40. Been in love X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 32.5%

41. French kissed X
42. Laughed so hard you cried X
43. Cried yourself to sleep X
44. Laughed yourself to sleep X
45. Stabbed yourself
46. Shot a gun
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day X
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours X
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours X
50. Watched an animal die X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR? 30%

51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed somewhere with at least 1 person present X
53. Pranked somebody X
54. Put somebody in the hospital
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out X
56. Made spicy beans X
57. Dressed punk X
58. Dressed Goth X
59. Dressed preppy
60. Been to a motocross race

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 32%

61. Avoided somebody X
62. Been stalked X
63. Stalked someone X
64. Met a celebrity X
65. Played an instrument X
66. Ridden a horse X
67. Cut yourself X
68. Bungee jumped
69. Ding dong ditched somebody X
70. Been to a wild party X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 28%

71. Been caught stealing something X
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls X
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend X
74. Gone out with your friend's crush
75. Got arrested
76. Been pregnant
77. Babysat X
78. Been to another country
79. Started your house on fire
80. Had an encounter with a ghost X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 32%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients X
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by X
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex X
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 2 months X
85. Sat on your butt all day X
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself X
87. Had a job
88. Gotten cut from a sports team
89. Been called a whore X
90. Danced like a whore X

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 31%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity
92. Been in a car accident X
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes X
94. Been told you have beautiful hair X
95. Raped somebody
96. Danced in the rain X
97. Been rejected X
98. Left a restaurant without paying X
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face X
100. Been raped

Total percentage – 31%



Not surprising, in any way.
That's how innocent I am.
I've changed a lot.

Looking forward to Friday!
In fact, I'm quite ecstatic.
;)

I have nothing else to say really.
So I guess I'll chill to some more Pink Floyd and take a lukewarm shower.
Then off to bed.

I have to be mentally prepared.

~Mimi

Coming back to life.

So this post is going to be pretty short seeing as I have no skills when it comes to iPod Touches and iPhones.
Sydney and kaylee and I are hanging out and technically we are having a movie night without the movies.
We watched RENT and part of Labyrinth, made a few random videos that will be on YouTube shortly.
I may post something of substance later today x]

Later days, dudes.

~mimi

Back to life, back to reality...

After wondering about life for a while, I've finally decided to REALLY think about it.

Why do we live?

Is there a point?

All of life is in fact a dream.

It's when we dream that we live.

When our perception of normal life is altered.

When the barriers that society throws around our mind are torn away.

That's when we really live.

To different extents, that's when we truly live.

Each morning you wake up and it's a new day.

It's called the "present."

And unless it's the future, it's past.

What happened has already happened and there is no going back.

Why dwell on it?

Live in the moment, because every moment that you waste is a moment you'll never get back.

That's why I've started living with an altered perception as much as possible.
And letting no opportunity pass me by.

The alteration causes such a great combination of sensory enhancements that I can really understand why life even exists.

Those of you who are trying to "save people's lives" should know exactly what life is before they try to irrationally save it.

I'm going to go now, and later I'll be more inspired.

Peace.

~mimi

six feet under the stars

Here's my attempt at a decent blog post.

Friday:
After school, Sydney and I went to chill at her house.
We made the most kick ass Rice Crispie treats this side of the Rio Grande.
They were PINK! FOR SHIZ!
We danced to "Wild Thing" in the middle of her kitchen.
Cuz we are sexy aerobics-doing chicas!
She got to reply to a talent scout who wants her to be in a commercial for the Mac area!
HOOAH.
I got some news from my dear Daniel :P
He was in Turkey at one point and apparently it's a beautiful place.
*stares into space for a while*

Saturday:
Woke up at 4.
Started loading up all our stuff into the truck.
The people who design those cars don't think about long-legged teens being in the backseat or something.
Not that comfy but whatever.
I started listening to music and staring aimlessly out the window.
The scenery kept speeding by... once we got past Carlton and Yamhill it was refreshingly unfamiiar.
I was in a weird state of mind, really.
Peaceful, calm, the dark was soothing.
Everything seemed ... right.
It was amazing.
We went up over the mountains and there was actually snow on the ground, ghostlike in the dark.
Beautiful.
The bridge that spans the Columbia River was scenic and pretty, even if the weather wasn't.
The wind was whipping the tops of the waves into foam and spray and the bridge curved over the whole thing, looking, for lack of a better word, majestic.
We got to their house and started working.
Not much to say about that.
We made a fire to keep warm and I was my typical pyromaniac self and stared at it until I was seeing things that weren't there.
Didn't eat dinner out of courtesy.
I ate a fried chicken gizzard though. XD
that was interesting. it was quite good.
We went over to the family friend's house and I played with their dog that looks strikingly like Cookie... but thinner, taller, and with one white paw.
Watched Madagascar 2, which lived up to my expectations, surprisingly.
Went to sleep... blissful sleep while listening to my playlist that I made specifically for that purpose.

Sunday:
Woke up early... really early.
Nobody else was awake so I went back to sleep.
Woke up again at eight to the smell of bacon, sausage, and french toast.
Also Shadow licked me and sydney both in the face.
We puttered around eating and talking about random injuries then set out on our way back to Mac.
Stopped at Costco just outside Astoria.
Wandered around in there for a while.
Finally got back in the car and drove without a break all the way back.
I was listening to this playlist that I made to remind me of Daniel.
"Only God Knows Why" - Kid Rock
"Walk Away" - Dropkick Murphys
"Fields of Athenry" - Dropkick Murphys
"The Last Letter Home" - Dropkick Murphys
"I'm Shipping Up To Boston" - Dropkick Murphys
"Wish You Were Here" - Pink Floyd
"Your Hand In Mine" - Explosions in the Sky

Yeah. I was in a trance thinking about life on the way back.
Worked around my problems... got into my own head so I could figure stuff out.
My mind is a hella weird place.
But I think I figured myself out some more.

So all in all...
South Bend, WA.
It was cold.
It was windy.
It was raining.
But it was fun.

I feel like I'm writing a short excerpt of a memoir.
Or something.

Ashley and I are gonna have a freaking ton of fun pretty soon.
Clothing workshop is a RYOT!

Yes, I meant to spell that wrong.

I'm gonna go for now.
"Six feet under the stars..."
~Mimi