I moved back home. That's not what's on my mind right now though.
It's about the person I have always considered my best friend. But I'm starting to doubt that now.
It's because of that harlot. I've never liked her and I have no idea why he does. It's not that she's treating him badly but he always chooses her over me. She always wrecks my plans.
As a response, I'm going on a facebook hiatus. That's all I can say.
~Marina
Saturday, December 18
Tuesday, December 14
The Take Over, The Break's Over.
Well, crap. I really did intend to post this a little earlier than Tuesday, but so it goes.
Friday - math final sucked. Sushi night was pretty awesome. I really enjoyed hanging out with two of my old friends and two of my new friends.
I have also become a guide for the popular mobile text search service, ChaCha. I'm techically making less than minimum wage, but it's occasionally rather entertaining! I have currently earned nearly 80 dollars. Pretty good for sitting at my computer for hours, eh?
Though I hoped to be paid this month, so as to buy Christmas presents with my OWN money this year, my money is going to roll over into January. So I'll end up giving presents at the end of January. Oops. But I have some good ideas for a few people.
I worked out more yesterday than I have in a week prior to yesterday... if that makes any sense. Got to try zumba... it was actually really fun. A bit of aerobics, a bit of latin dance... Awesome.
This morning, however, I woke up with a random coughing fit, followed by a wave of completely random, out-of-the-blue nausea. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself. Aside from the fact that my face is breaking out (again...) everything seemed normal. My throat wasn't even as sore as it was yesterday. Except something wasn't right... My left eye is still red, worse than it was yesterday when I got shampoo in it. So there's a good chance that my darling little sister has given me pinkeye for the umpteenth time. Thanks, Becky. I clean your fishtank and this is what I get in return... bacterial conjunctivitis. Goody.
I think I need to go back to bed. Two finals tomorrow, then I can go home and focus on making money and working off this extra college weight.
~Marina
"We do it in the dark, with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places."
Friday - math final sucked. Sushi night was pretty awesome. I really enjoyed hanging out with two of my old friends and two of my new friends.
I have also become a guide for the popular mobile text search service, ChaCha. I'm techically making less than minimum wage, but it's occasionally rather entertaining! I have currently earned nearly 80 dollars. Pretty good for sitting at my computer for hours, eh?
Though I hoped to be paid this month, so as to buy Christmas presents with my OWN money this year, my money is going to roll over into January. So I'll end up giving presents at the end of January. Oops. But I have some good ideas for a few people.
I worked out more yesterday than I have in a week prior to yesterday... if that makes any sense. Got to try zumba... it was actually really fun. A bit of aerobics, a bit of latin dance... Awesome.
This morning, however, I woke up with a random coughing fit, followed by a wave of completely random, out-of-the-blue nausea. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself. Aside from the fact that my face is breaking out (again...) everything seemed normal. My throat wasn't even as sore as it was yesterday. Except something wasn't right... My left eye is still red, worse than it was yesterday when I got shampoo in it. So there's a good chance that my darling little sister has given me pinkeye for the umpteenth time. Thanks, Becky. I clean your fishtank and this is what I get in return... bacterial conjunctivitis. Goody.
I think I need to go back to bed. Two finals tomorrow, then I can go home and focus on making money and working off this extra college weight.
~Marina
"We do it in the dark, with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places."
Friday, December 10
No Time
Theory paper, written at 1 AM. Math final, not studied for.
Once that's over, I get to have sushi.
Wish me luck.
~Marina
Once that's over, I get to have sushi.
Wish me luck.
~Marina
Wednesday, December 8
We R Who We R
Pardon the Ke$ha-themed title. I happen to be listening to the song right now.
Finals are putting more stress on me than I thought they would. Not getting enough sleep doesn't help at all. I get to bed too late, and have trouble waking up fully in the mornings. I've got five assignments to do, most of them due tomorrow or Friday.
Ah, Friday. I'm so looking forward to it... Sushi with the girls! My math final will be behind me, and all the work I'll have is a reflection paper for INQS, and my psychology final.
Studying wouldn't be so difficult if our roommate agreement was being followed. We agreed at the beginning of the term that while someone was trying to study, there would be NO TV and NO music (except for headphones). I can't concentrate when there's that much noise.
Thankfully, I got all of my INQS rewrites done and my portfolio put together, and my math exam turned in. Now I just need to throw together a theory paper.
Time for more South Park, and then off to Grandma's to clean.
~Marina
Finals are putting more stress on me than I thought they would. Not getting enough sleep doesn't help at all. I get to bed too late, and have trouble waking up fully in the mornings. I've got five assignments to do, most of them due tomorrow or Friday.
Ah, Friday. I'm so looking forward to it... Sushi with the girls! My math final will be behind me, and all the work I'll have is a reflection paper for INQS, and my psychology final.
Studying wouldn't be so difficult if our roommate agreement was being followed. We agreed at the beginning of the term that while someone was trying to study, there would be NO TV and NO music (except for headphones). I can't concentrate when there's that much noise.
Thankfully, I got all of my INQS rewrites done and my portfolio put together, and my math exam turned in. Now I just need to throw together a theory paper.
Time for more South Park, and then off to Grandma's to clean.
~Marina
Monday, December 6
Dislocation
Yeah, I messed up my knee. Mom got me a brace though, so maybe it'll be better by Monday so I can walk a mile for the final exercise study testing.
Speaking of walking, I have been trying to muster up the motivation to start walking and/or running every day or two... I just haven't had the drive to do so quite yet. I'm going to try tomorrow though, with the brace. Of all things to partially motivate me, a minor injury seems a little illogical, doesn't it?
My math final is on Friday, and I literally just remembered that I have to complete the take-home exam and begin to study by Wednesday. I also have a theory paper to start for psych that I haven't even begun to thought about. I really need to at least attempt to prioritize.
Looking forward to girls' sushi night on Friday! So far the group is myself, Gia, Sydney, Jessica, and Gulfem. My sister may show up. I do hope she does.
Not much else to say.
~Marina
Speaking of walking, I have been trying to muster up the motivation to start walking and/or running every day or two... I just haven't had the drive to do so quite yet. I'm going to try tomorrow though, with the brace. Of all things to partially motivate me, a minor injury seems a little illogical, doesn't it?
My math final is on Friday, and I literally just remembered that I have to complete the take-home exam and begin to study by Wednesday. I also have a theory paper to start for psych that I haven't even begun to thought about. I really need to at least attempt to prioritize.
Looking forward to girls' sushi night on Friday! So far the group is myself, Gia, Sydney, Jessica, and Gulfem. My sister may show up. I do hope she does.
Not much else to say.
~Marina
Saturday, December 4
The (Shipped) Gold Standard
"I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me
You can only blame your problems on my world for so long
Before it all becomes the same old song
As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town
And get new passports and get get get get get out now
All the yes men said no comment
My mouth got going wrong way and all the calls started to roll in
The time my dad caught me a horse shoe crab
And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back"
-"The (Shipped) Gold Standard" - Fall Out Boy
Haven't posted lyrics in a while...
So randomly, here's the sequel to my "24 Truths and a Lie." ... minus the lie.
26. I love it when I have the room to myself, and I can turn on my stereo and sing loudly to anything I feel like.
27. I claim that I don't like popular music, but there will always be exceptions for certain songs that I find catchy. (read: Ke$ha and 3OH!3)
28. I hate it when people use the (fake) word "legit."
29. I wish I could dance better than I can, but that does not mean I won't dance. I just end up looking like a moron, but in a large group of people, I don't care.
30. I enjoy all sorts of movies... Even Labyrinth. (Yes, I know that David Bowie's pants are terribly tight but I find it excuseable in his case.)
31. Before moving into my dorm, I have used two different closets as my bedroom.
32. I have both a swamp plant and a desert plant in my room... I'm waiting to see which one can survive longer.
33. I enjoy cooking.
34. One of the things I'm looking forward to is taking Gulfem, one of the Turkish international students, out for legitimate (ha! take that) sushi!
35. I like the new age band Cusco.
36. I also like the anime Fruits Basket.
37. I can generally only watch the first half of Avatar. Once the war scenes start, I get bored.
38. I really like proofreading and editing people's essays.
39. I have to think "wed-nes-day" and "rest-au-rant" when spelling Wednesday and restaurant.
40. I think the Cheshire Cat would make an interesting pet.
41. I spend entirely too much time on my computer.
42. I love the Half-Life series, as well as Portal.
43. I often find myself trying to talk more quickly than I actually can and I end up sounding like a complete imbecile.
44. I have occasional nightmares about government conspiracies. And Alma Wade. -shudder-
45. I have horrendous posture.
46. I have yet to go to a college party... odds are I never will.
47. My favorite focus in psychology is consciousness.
48. I have dyed my hair completely, only once. It was dark brown.
49. I both love and hate math.
50. I am subscribed to Shane Dawson, Ray William Johnson, SwiftKarateChop, and CollegeHumor on Youtube.
~Marina
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me
You can only blame your problems on my world for so long
Before it all becomes the same old song
As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town
And get new passports and get get get get get out now
All the yes men said no comment
My mouth got going wrong way and all the calls started to roll in
The time my dad caught me a horse shoe crab
And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back"
-"The (Shipped) Gold Standard" - Fall Out Boy
Haven't posted lyrics in a while...
So randomly, here's the sequel to my "24 Truths and a Lie." ... minus the lie.
26. I love it when I have the room to myself, and I can turn on my stereo and sing loudly to anything I feel like.
27. I claim that I don't like popular music, but there will always be exceptions for certain songs that I find catchy. (read: Ke$ha and 3OH!3)
28. I hate it when people use the (fake) word "legit."
29. I wish I could dance better than I can, but that does not mean I won't dance. I just end up looking like a moron, but in a large group of people, I don't care.
30. I enjoy all sorts of movies... Even Labyrinth. (Yes, I know that David Bowie's pants are terribly tight but I find it excuseable in his case.)
31. Before moving into my dorm, I have used two different closets as my bedroom.
32. I have both a swamp plant and a desert plant in my room... I'm waiting to see which one can survive longer.
33. I enjoy cooking.
34. One of the things I'm looking forward to is taking Gulfem, one of the Turkish international students, out for legitimate (ha! take that) sushi!
35. I like the new age band Cusco.
36. I also like the anime Fruits Basket.
37. I can generally only watch the first half of Avatar. Once the war scenes start, I get bored.
38. I really like proofreading and editing people's essays.
39. I have to think "wed-nes-day" and "rest-au-rant" when spelling Wednesday and restaurant.
40. I think the Cheshire Cat would make an interesting pet.
41. I spend entirely too much time on my computer.
42. I love the Half-Life series, as well as Portal.
43. I often find myself trying to talk more quickly than I actually can and I end up sounding like a complete imbecile.
44. I have occasional nightmares about government conspiracies. And Alma Wade. -shudder-
45. I have horrendous posture.
46. I have yet to go to a college party... odds are I never will.
47. My favorite focus in psychology is consciousness.
48. I have dyed my hair completely, only once. It was dark brown.
49. I both love and hate math.
50. I am subscribed to Shane Dawson, Ray William Johnson, SwiftKarateChop, and CollegeHumor on Youtube.
~Marina
Friday, December 3
TGIF
Once again, I'm jumping into a post without any idea of what's going to end up here.
So... here's the video I made in six hours!
~Marina
So... here's the video I made in six hours!
~Marina
Wednesday, December 1
Ten days till finals and counting.
On my to-do list... psych study guide, INQS rewrites, INQS fieldwork project, psych paper, math exam corrections, math homework.
And only two weekends to cram.
Still hungry =/
I think I need to get out of town for a little bit. McMinnville sucks the life out of you. A nap wouldn't be bad either. I really feel like I haven't been getting enough sleep.
I also wish I could actually write something worth reading.
~Marina
On my to-do list... psych study guide, INQS rewrites, INQS fieldwork project, psych paper, math exam corrections, math homework.
And only two weekends to cram.
Still hungry =/
I think I need to get out of town for a little bit. McMinnville sucks the life out of you. A nap wouldn't be bad either. I really feel like I haven't been getting enough sleep.
I also wish I could actually write something worth reading.
~Marina
Monday, November 29
24 Truths and a Lie.
I've decided to combine two different things this evening.
One of these is a lie. Try to figure out which one.
1. I enjoy Jim Carrey's version of "I Am The Walrus" immensely.
2. I hate reality shows with a passion.
3. Sometimes I wish I had the motivation to do something with my hair and makeup on a daily basis.
4. I find most Linfield students intolerable.
5. My favorite beverages are water, grogg, hot chocolate, coffee, and regular Coke, in that order.
6. I have never been to any other country.
7. I used to use the term, "subcutaneous prepatellar bursa" as an insult, then decided it was childish.
8. My favorite animal is still a dolphin.
9. I hope someday to learn to surf.
10. I would love to be an intern at either Black Mesa Research Facility or Aperture Science.
11. I consider "Manos: Hands of Fate" to be tied with "Monster A-Go-Go" and "Twilight" to be the worst movies I've ever seen.
12. The 5 most-played songs on my iPod are:
"One Toke Over The Line" - Brewer and Shipley
"Ghosts N Stuff" - deadmau5
"Little Bribes" - Death Cab for Cutie
"Beautiful, Dirty, Rich" - Lady Gaga
"Ich Tu Dir Weh" - Rammstein
13. As showed in #12, I have a very diverse taste in music.
14. I met my closest friends through Christian ropes summer camp, math class, and Smosh videos.
15. I met my boyfriend on Facebook and rarely spend a day without seeing him.
16. I love cats.
17. I also love dogs.
18. My family didn't own a video game system until I was old enough to find them boring.
19. Sushi is my favorite food. Unagi (eel) specifically.
20. I will eat nearly anything if it involves seafood.
21. I can play piano, flute, and bass guitar, and will attempt to play any instrument you give me.
22. I lose the game occasionally.
23. Things on my desk - a peacock feather, a lava lamp, a pirate rubber ducky, a toy VW bus, two iPod docks and a subwoofer, the Labyrinth soundtrack, and the Black Keys' "Chulahoma."
24. I'm regularly in a state of hunger.
25. I enjoy watching South Park, Family Guy, Fruits Basket, and Futurama, no matter how many times I've re-watched the episodes previously.
~Marina
One of these is a lie. Try to figure out which one.
1. I enjoy Jim Carrey's version of "I Am The Walrus" immensely.
2. I hate reality shows with a passion.
3. Sometimes I wish I had the motivation to do something with my hair and makeup on a daily basis.
4. I find most Linfield students intolerable.
5. My favorite beverages are water, grogg, hot chocolate, coffee, and regular Coke, in that order.
6. I have never been to any other country.
7. I used to use the term, "subcutaneous prepatellar bursa" as an insult, then decided it was childish.
8. My favorite animal is still a dolphin.
9. I hope someday to learn to surf.
10. I would love to be an intern at either Black Mesa Research Facility or Aperture Science.
11. I consider "Manos: Hands of Fate" to be tied with "Monster A-Go-Go" and "Twilight" to be the worst movies I've ever seen.
12. The 5 most-played songs on my iPod are:
"One Toke Over The Line" - Brewer and Shipley
"Ghosts N Stuff" - deadmau5
"Little Bribes" - Death Cab for Cutie
"Beautiful, Dirty, Rich" - Lady Gaga
"Ich Tu Dir Weh" - Rammstein
13. As showed in #12, I have a very diverse taste in music.
14. I met my closest friends through Christian ropes summer camp, math class, and Smosh videos.
15. I met my boyfriend on Facebook and rarely spend a day without seeing him.
16. I love cats.
17. I also love dogs.
18. My family didn't own a video game system until I was old enough to find them boring.
19. Sushi is my favorite food. Unagi (eel) specifically.
20. I will eat nearly anything if it involves seafood.
21. I can play piano, flute, and bass guitar, and will attempt to play any instrument you give me.
22. I lose the game occasionally.
23. Things on my desk - a peacock feather, a lava lamp, a pirate rubber ducky, a toy VW bus, two iPod docks and a subwoofer, the Labyrinth soundtrack, and the Black Keys' "Chulahoma."
24. I'm regularly in a state of hunger.
25. I enjoy watching South Park, Family Guy, Fruits Basket, and Futurama, no matter how many times I've re-watched the episodes previously.
~Marina
Dizzy.
So, I've had a very short list of episodes where I have lost conciousness, or gotten close to it.
Once during kickboxing day in aerobics.
Once right before first period started, in the middle of the hallway.
Once when I cut my index finger to the bone with a serrated knife (I'm sure Mom remembers that, she caught me before I hit the floor. Go supermom!)
There have been other times, but there has never been a time when I was completely alone, until today.
These episodes are caused by, presumably, low blood sugar combined with other factors like intense stress, sudden overall temperature change, or intense physical activity.
It starts the same way every time. I feel weak and slightly nauseous. It seems that all my energy starts draining rapidly. I feel cold and start to feel numb, and I get shaky. If it gets worse, I get an overwhelming white noise and/or buzzing or ringing in my ears that blocks everything out. My vision starts to freak out, as if someone's turning up the brightness on my world. It whites out, and I lose motor control as I black out. Full-on unconsciousness has only occured during the random before-school incident and the knife incident.
Full-on unconsciousness, thankfully, didn't happen today. But here's what happened.
I have been sitting at my desk since about 2, when I got out of math. I've had a few crackers and some cheese to eat all day. Naturally, I'm a little hungry. I finally decide, at about half past eight, to get my lazy butt up and take a shower.
It may help for me to also mention that my dorm room is a little chilly.
So I'm in the shower, washing my hair, and I start feeling a bit dizzy. I think, "nothing to worry about," and continue with my shower. I realize suddenly that the water's pretty hot, quite a bit hotter than I take showers at normally. I get weak in the knees and my hearing turns fuzzy. I start to worry. I proceed calmly with the rest of my shower, taking calm, even breaths, but as soon as I put all my clothes back on, I feel so much worse. I look in the mirror. I'm white as a ghost. I immediately went back to my room and sat down again.
Since then, I'm feeling much better. But it makes me think of how rather embarassing it would have been to have passed out in the shower and have people have to help me back...
Not something I'd really be thrilled about, nor anyone else.
I'll try to avoid situations like this next time. Maybe I should eat a snack before taking a shower from now on.
~Marina
Once during kickboxing day in aerobics.
Once right before first period started, in the middle of the hallway.
Once when I cut my index finger to the bone with a serrated knife (I'm sure Mom remembers that, she caught me before I hit the floor. Go supermom!)
There have been other times, but there has never been a time when I was completely alone, until today.
These episodes are caused by, presumably, low blood sugar combined with other factors like intense stress, sudden overall temperature change, or intense physical activity.
It starts the same way every time. I feel weak and slightly nauseous. It seems that all my energy starts draining rapidly. I feel cold and start to feel numb, and I get shaky. If it gets worse, I get an overwhelming white noise and/or buzzing or ringing in my ears that blocks everything out. My vision starts to freak out, as if someone's turning up the brightness on my world. It whites out, and I lose motor control as I black out. Full-on unconsciousness has only occured during the random before-school incident and the knife incident.
Full-on unconsciousness, thankfully, didn't happen today. But here's what happened.
I have been sitting at my desk since about 2, when I got out of math. I've had a few crackers and some cheese to eat all day. Naturally, I'm a little hungry. I finally decide, at about half past eight, to get my lazy butt up and take a shower.
It may help for me to also mention that my dorm room is a little chilly.
So I'm in the shower, washing my hair, and I start feeling a bit dizzy. I think, "nothing to worry about," and continue with my shower. I realize suddenly that the water's pretty hot, quite a bit hotter than I take showers at normally. I get weak in the knees and my hearing turns fuzzy. I start to worry. I proceed calmly with the rest of my shower, taking calm, even breaths, but as soon as I put all my clothes back on, I feel so much worse. I look in the mirror. I'm white as a ghost. I immediately went back to my room and sat down again.
Since then, I'm feeling much better. But it makes me think of how rather embarassing it would have been to have passed out in the shower and have people have to help me back...
Not something I'd really be thrilled about, nor anyone else.
I'll try to avoid situations like this next time. Maybe I should eat a snack before taking a shower from now on.
~Marina
Sunday, November 28
Here We Go Again.
Sunday night, a constant chaotic stream of people moving back into the dorms.
Can't say i'm too happy with it. Within a few minutes of one of my roommates being back, I'm already much less content than I was. Probably comes from the immediate comment about the smell of the dorm room.
Thanks.
I can't help the fact that the dorm was built in the 1930s. Old buildings don't smell fabulous, but really it just smells like any dorm room.
Okay, ocean breath, moving on.
I've been editing the Music and Change class's Wikipedia article and it's a pain. All five of the essays that go into the article are completely different in style. Some of them really don't have any information pertaining to the subject... It's tough to work with but not as much trouble as I expected. It does require me to use a bit of my HTML knowledge and to learn some of Wikipedia's formatting styles. Not too much of a challenge.
Despite having finished the series a few weeks ago, I really do love Fruits Basket. The entire series is available for instant watch on Netflix. What I hate is how easily I seem to fall in love with anime characters! But how can anyone resist the allure of Yuki (the rat of the zodiac)? The other zodiac characters are great but Yuki is definitely one of my favorites. Quietly spoken and very charismatic. And yet Tohru chooses Kyo... Ah well. I still like them all... Shigure, Momiji, Hatsuharu, Kagura, Akito, Ri, Kisa, Hiro, Ayame... Love em.
Moving along, I'm starving, and I still have about two hours and twenty minutes before the boy gets off work. Cheese bread... Ugh, I really need food.
And a shower, too.
~Marina
Can't say i'm too happy with it. Within a few minutes of one of my roommates being back, I'm already much less content than I was. Probably comes from the immediate comment about the smell of the dorm room.
Thanks.
I can't help the fact that the dorm was built in the 1930s. Old buildings don't smell fabulous, but really it just smells like any dorm room.
Okay, ocean breath, moving on.
I've been editing the Music and Change class's Wikipedia article and it's a pain. All five of the essays that go into the article are completely different in style. Some of them really don't have any information pertaining to the subject... It's tough to work with but not as much trouble as I expected. It does require me to use a bit of my HTML knowledge and to learn some of Wikipedia's formatting styles. Not too much of a challenge.
Despite having finished the series a few weeks ago, I really do love Fruits Basket. The entire series is available for instant watch on Netflix. What I hate is how easily I seem to fall in love with anime characters! But how can anyone resist the allure of Yuki (the rat of the zodiac)? The other zodiac characters are great but Yuki is definitely one of my favorites. Quietly spoken and very charismatic. And yet Tohru chooses Kyo... Ah well. I still like them all... Shigure, Momiji, Hatsuharu, Kagura, Akito, Ri, Kisa, Hiro, Ayame... Love em.
Moving along, I'm starving, and I still have about two hours and twenty minutes before the boy gets off work. Cheese bread... Ugh, I really need food.
And a shower, too.
~Marina
Saturday, November 27
Nightmares.
I just shocked myself awake from a dream that I've had before.
The details are fuzzy, but...
I was in a school hallway that looked similar to Mac High. I was with a few other people. There was a big commotion, a school shooting, and my group and I ran for cover, ducking into a bathroom, where we hid in the stalls. After the noise had died down, I was still crouched, breathing quietly, when this big guy wearing a towel tried to get into the stall. He grabbed me and dragged me off.
Next thing I knew I was in some sort of multipurpose room with bright lights and a wooden floor. I was face to face with three guys in their 20's. Their leader had a pistol. I hunched myself up as they debated what they were going to do with me.
They grabbed me by the shoulders and hauled me out into the hallway, then I was with a group of people that were leaving the building. Among us were my family, the president and his wife (for some reason or another), and a few of my friends. We were escorted out by more armed men.
We made it outside into a damp parking lot, and I sighed in relief...
All of a sudden, someone next to me burst into flames. I whipped around to see one of our escorts with a mirror and a wicked smile. He was focusing the light from the high energy floodlights around us onto people in the crowd. My jacket caught on fire, and my family and friends helped to quickly put it out. More and more people were burning, and I urged my grandma and my mom up farther into the crowd. We passed the president and we could see our car. It stood out red in a sea of cool colors.
One of the armed men yelled, "Now all of them."
I broke into a run, pushing my grandma and mom towards the car, and we jumped in just as the ground near the building burst into flames. The entire parking lot was covered, not in water, but in gasoline. It rushed towards us as we struggled to get into the car. People were screaming. My dad and my sisters were nowhere to be seen. Kevin got in, Kiwi made it, my mom and grandma too, and I helped Jay get in before turning around to face that wall of flames. Someone grabbed the back of my coat and yanked me into the car, and I grabbed the door handle and slammed the door closed as the fire hit our car and roared around us.
I sat up, shaking, in my room. I looked around. Nothing but the white walls. No fire. My back still tingled from the burn I recieved in my dream.
Now here I am.
Dreams are a funny thing.
~Marina
The details are fuzzy, but...
I was in a school hallway that looked similar to Mac High. I was with a few other people. There was a big commotion, a school shooting, and my group and I ran for cover, ducking into a bathroom, where we hid in the stalls. After the noise had died down, I was still crouched, breathing quietly, when this big guy wearing a towel tried to get into the stall. He grabbed me and dragged me off.
Next thing I knew I was in some sort of multipurpose room with bright lights and a wooden floor. I was face to face with three guys in their 20's. Their leader had a pistol. I hunched myself up as they debated what they were going to do with me.
They grabbed me by the shoulders and hauled me out into the hallway, then I was with a group of people that were leaving the building. Among us were my family, the president and his wife (for some reason or another), and a few of my friends. We were escorted out by more armed men.
We made it outside into a damp parking lot, and I sighed in relief...
All of a sudden, someone next to me burst into flames. I whipped around to see one of our escorts with a mirror and a wicked smile. He was focusing the light from the high energy floodlights around us onto people in the crowd. My jacket caught on fire, and my family and friends helped to quickly put it out. More and more people were burning, and I urged my grandma and my mom up farther into the crowd. We passed the president and we could see our car. It stood out red in a sea of cool colors.
One of the armed men yelled, "Now all of them."
I broke into a run, pushing my grandma and mom towards the car, and we jumped in just as the ground near the building burst into flames. The entire parking lot was covered, not in water, but in gasoline. It rushed towards us as we struggled to get into the car. People were screaming. My dad and my sisters were nowhere to be seen. Kevin got in, Kiwi made it, my mom and grandma too, and I helped Jay get in before turning around to face that wall of flames. Someone grabbed the back of my coat and yanked me into the car, and I grabbed the door handle and slammed the door closed as the fire hit our car and roared around us.
I sat up, shaking, in my room. I looked around. Nothing but the white walls. No fire. My back still tingled from the burn I recieved in my dream.
Now here I am.
Dreams are a funny thing.
~Marina
Friday, November 26
Thanksgiving Aftermath
This year I was definitely able not to eat myself into a coma. Good sign.
But I did spend all day cooking with grandma, which was pretty great. Brought some pie and grogg back to my room.
This evening was pretty fun though.
Jay and I went to Kame and got a delicious dinner. I only ordered four nigiri, but one was definitely my favorite (unagi - eel!), and I discovered that mackerel is pretty darn good, scallops are... meh.
Uni, however...
ugh.
Like the way the ocean smells, with the texture of...
No idea, really, but it's slimy.
NOT really that good. But I'm glad I tried it.
Now I'm back in my room, and it has just hit me that it's Friday night. My roomies will be home tomorrow or the day after, and then Monday rolls around.
After that it'll be another 12 class days until finals.
It didn't occur to me until just now that I literally have about two weeks left to study. That doesn't include any and all papers and exams in between then and now.
Looks like I'll have to dig out my syllabi again...
College is definitely a lot more work than high school...
~Marina
"Don't dream it, be it!"
-RHPS
But I did spend all day cooking with grandma, which was pretty great. Brought some pie and grogg back to my room.
This evening was pretty fun though.
Jay and I went to Kame and got a delicious dinner. I only ordered four nigiri, but one was definitely my favorite (unagi - eel!), and I discovered that mackerel is pretty darn good, scallops are... meh.
Uni, however...
ugh.
Like the way the ocean smells, with the texture of...
No idea, really, but it's slimy.
NOT really that good. But I'm glad I tried it.
Now I'm back in my room, and it has just hit me that it's Friday night. My roomies will be home tomorrow or the day after, and then Monday rolls around.
After that it'll be another 12 class days until finals.
It didn't occur to me until just now that I literally have about two weeks left to study. That doesn't include any and all papers and exams in between then and now.
Looks like I'll have to dig out my syllabi again...
College is definitely a lot more work than high school...
~Marina
"Don't dream it, be it!"
-RHPS
Thursday, November 18
Vacation
No, it's not vacation yet.
But leave it to my professors to give me enough homework to have me stressing out by Tuesday. Two papers and an exam doesn't sound so bad, until you procrastinate and find yourself staring the due date right in the face.
Nonetheless, I still managed to whip up a somewhat acceptable paper about the politics in a Pink Floyd song. One paper down.
Math exam, probably failed. What I gathered from my classmates' reactions leads me to believe that nearly everyone thinks they failed it, too.
One more late night to write my psych paper, then no more effort until the 29th.
Problem facing me now is that I have nothing to do all week. But I think I'll be okay in that regard.
In some ways, I really hate college. But in other ways, I think I like it. The freedom and responsibility of making your own decisions is both damning and wonderful.
As usual, not much to say.
Better suit up and get ready for aerobics.
Peace.
~Marina
But leave it to my professors to give me enough homework to have me stressing out by Tuesday. Two papers and an exam doesn't sound so bad, until you procrastinate and find yourself staring the due date right in the face.
Nonetheless, I still managed to whip up a somewhat acceptable paper about the politics in a Pink Floyd song. One paper down.
Math exam, probably failed. What I gathered from my classmates' reactions leads me to believe that nearly everyone thinks they failed it, too.
One more late night to write my psych paper, then no more effort until the 29th.
Problem facing me now is that I have nothing to do all week. But I think I'll be okay in that regard.
In some ways, I really hate college. But in other ways, I think I like it. The freedom and responsibility of making your own decisions is both damning and wonderful.
As usual, not much to say.
Better suit up and get ready for aerobics.
Peace.
~Marina
Saturday, November 13
Life at Linfield
I figure it's about damn time I post something readable.
So fall term is almost over. I'm taking aqua aerobics, intermediate algebra, music and change, and survey of psychology.
Registration for spring term started this week, and so far it has been chaos. Freshmen, including myself, have been stressing ourselves out, trying to get into the classes we want. The classes fill up fast, and of course, upper-classmen get first dibs. I'm registered for eight credits right now (aerobic fitness, intro to personality psych, and ecology of ecosystems), and on the waitlist for four more (intro to statistics, yoga, personal success skills, and fundamentals of philosophy). Spring term should be pretty nice.
One of the things I like about college classes as opposed to high school is that you choose your own schedule. I have a three-hour gap in between my psych and math classes.
On to residence life.
I currently reside in Grover Hall, a 30-person all-female dorm. I'm on the third floor in a triple. My roommates, Sara and Lauren, are pretty awesome. There haven't been any major problems here, really.
However, outside the room, there are some crazy things going on. In the past couple of weeks, two people have been hit by a drunk driver, a drug bust (where the woman eventually came back for her car then camped out behind our dorm for two days and hasn't left campus yet), and last night, someone was taken out of Theta on a gurney last night...
Like I said, crazy.
We had two fish at one point, two bettas named Homage and Fishy. Fishy's still doing well, but Homage developed a fungal infection and passed away last week. Rest his fishy soul. Instead, Lauren bought another betta named Darrell (who is the exact coloring of Fishy, black head with iridescent blue fins and red ventral fins, but is a veiltail as opposed to a crowntail). I found this rather amusing.
Thanksgiving break starts next week, and I opted to stay on-campus for the week. Room to myself? Yes :D
The one thing I can complain about, however, is the fact that my account is empty now... which means I can't buy any food on-campus until february. And I have very little food in my room =/ What I do have is college food though... ramen, a costco case of generic vitamin water, and cereal. Fun stuff.
That's about all for now. I hope to try posting weekly.
Peace.
~Marina
So fall term is almost over. I'm taking aqua aerobics, intermediate algebra, music and change, and survey of psychology.
Registration for spring term started this week, and so far it has been chaos. Freshmen, including myself, have been stressing ourselves out, trying to get into the classes we want. The classes fill up fast, and of course, upper-classmen get first dibs. I'm registered for eight credits right now (aerobic fitness, intro to personality psych, and ecology of ecosystems), and on the waitlist for four more (intro to statistics, yoga, personal success skills, and fundamentals of philosophy). Spring term should be pretty nice.
One of the things I like about college classes as opposed to high school is that you choose your own schedule. I have a three-hour gap in between my psych and math classes.
On to residence life.
I currently reside in Grover Hall, a 30-person all-female dorm. I'm on the third floor in a triple. My roommates, Sara and Lauren, are pretty awesome. There haven't been any major problems here, really.
However, outside the room, there are some crazy things going on. In the past couple of weeks, two people have been hit by a drunk driver, a drug bust (where the woman eventually came back for her car then camped out behind our dorm for two days and hasn't left campus yet), and last night, someone was taken out of Theta on a gurney last night...
Like I said, crazy.
We had two fish at one point, two bettas named Homage and Fishy. Fishy's still doing well, but Homage developed a fungal infection and passed away last week. Rest his fishy soul. Instead, Lauren bought another betta named Darrell (who is the exact coloring of Fishy, black head with iridescent blue fins and red ventral fins, but is a veiltail as opposed to a crowntail). I found this rather amusing.
Thanksgiving break starts next week, and I opted to stay on-campus for the week. Room to myself? Yes :D
The one thing I can complain about, however, is the fact that my account is empty now... which means I can't buy any food on-campus until february. And I have very little food in my room =/ What I do have is college food though... ramen, a costco case of generic vitamin water, and cereal. Fun stuff.
That's about all for now. I hope to try posting weekly.
Peace.
~Marina
Monday, August 2
Brielle
"When the new sites grow old and I start to feel cold, I'll sail home again."
As usual, I have nothing much to say.
I'm just satisfied with myself and with Jay.
can't say much else.
~marina
As usual, I have nothing much to say.
I'm just satisfied with myself and with Jay.
can't say much else.
~marina
Tuesday, June 1
Wednesday, April 28
Home
"Home, Let me come home
Home is whenever I'm with you
Home, yes I am home
Home is wherever I'm with you"
-"Home" - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
I don't know why, but screenplay writing makes me hungry.
Good think I'm not planning on being a screenwriter, eh?
So Mom's surgery was today. It went well, and she's staying the night at the hospital.
Everyone is making their way there to keep her company.
Except me, because I've got homework.
I spent my open periods at the hospital though.
Keeping Dad company and waiting to hear about the surgery.
Now it's just a matter of time before we know if it works or not.
Prom's this weekend. I'm really excited to go with Jake. superfreakinawesome.
Senior prom, last one I'll ever go to. Better make it good!
Right now I really should be writing so I can go to bed at a decent hour.
You know how much I love sleeping.
But I figured that it'd been a while since I blogged, so it was worth the time.
Cookie's keeping me company. I think my tea's ready.
Rock on.
I'm ridiculously excited for college. I don't know where I'm going to start, regarding classes. I want to really focus on psychology, German, and music.
Professor Richardson, the German prof at Linfield, emailed me yesterday, with information about the various extracurricular activities related to the subject. There's a total-immersion German trip early next month, that I may be able to attend.
No English allowed, which will give me trouble because I'm only in German 1.
On the bright side, I know how to say "I don't know," "I don't understand," "I don't speak German," and "may I use the bathroom?"
(for you non-Deutsch people, it would be "ich weiss nicht," "ich verstehe nicht," "ich spreche keine Deutsch," and "darf ich aufs Klo?")
What I'm really excited for is the dorms.
Kelly and Jill, my hosts for the visitation night, informed me that every night in a dorm can be like a slumber party. Everybody on a floor knows everybody else, and you can get anything you might need from them, from advice to food.
It'll be a nice change from living here at home.
And thankfully, it'll be a short bike ride away from home too.
I want to see what it's like to live partially on my own.
Well, I really do need to finish this screenplay. So until later, peace out.
~Marina
(oh, and facebook people, if you want to read these posts at my ACTUAL blog, the address is mimimorgenstern.blogspot.com)
Home is whenever I'm with you
Home, yes I am home
Home is wherever I'm with you"
-"Home" - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
I don't know why, but screenplay writing makes me hungry.
Good think I'm not planning on being a screenwriter, eh?
So Mom's surgery was today. It went well, and she's staying the night at the hospital.
Everyone is making their way there to keep her company.
Except me, because I've got homework.
I spent my open periods at the hospital though.
Keeping Dad company and waiting to hear about the surgery.
Now it's just a matter of time before we know if it works or not.
Prom's this weekend. I'm really excited to go with Jake. superfreakinawesome.
Senior prom, last one I'll ever go to. Better make it good!
Right now I really should be writing so I can go to bed at a decent hour.
You know how much I love sleeping.
But I figured that it'd been a while since I blogged, so it was worth the time.
Cookie's keeping me company. I think my tea's ready.
Rock on.
I'm ridiculously excited for college. I don't know where I'm going to start, regarding classes. I want to really focus on psychology, German, and music.
Professor Richardson, the German prof at Linfield, emailed me yesterday, with information about the various extracurricular activities related to the subject. There's a total-immersion German trip early next month, that I may be able to attend.
No English allowed, which will give me trouble because I'm only in German 1.
On the bright side, I know how to say "I don't know," "I don't understand," "I don't speak German," and "may I use the bathroom?"
(for you non-Deutsch people, it would be "ich weiss nicht," "ich verstehe nicht," "ich spreche keine Deutsch," and "darf ich aufs Klo?")
What I'm really excited for is the dorms.
Kelly and Jill, my hosts for the visitation night, informed me that every night in a dorm can be like a slumber party. Everybody on a floor knows everybody else, and you can get anything you might need from them, from advice to food.
It'll be a nice change from living here at home.
And thankfully, it'll be a short bike ride away from home too.
I want to see what it's like to live partially on my own.
Well, I really do need to finish this screenplay. So until later, peace out.
~Marina
(oh, and facebook people, if you want to read these posts at my ACTUAL blog, the address is mimimorgenstern.blogspot.com)
Sunday, April 11
One and Only
To be despised,
To be loved,
To be dreamt of,
To be sought,
I'm the inside of "I don't care",
Be my unholy,
My one and my lonely.
- "One and Only" - Timbaland ft. Fall Out Boy
so I suppose it's high time I just talked about the simple stuff.
Senior year is drawing to a close. I'm going to miss it but I'm ready to move on.
I'm currently in the process of quitting smoking. It's tougher than I want it to be, but as a result I'm chewing gum as often as possible. Dunno why it works, but it does. (side note- 5 React and Zing are both delicious)
I meant to stay home today and clean, or put music on my iPod (my Classic crashed last week, so I'm back to the eight gig Touch. Space is so limited =\) but instead, I hopped on my bike and rode downtown to meet up with Becky, and ended up riding all over town.
I believe the route was home to third street, to Lafayette avenue, over to the high school, through the parking lot, to Evans, to Baker Creek Road, to Hill road, up the huge hill on 2nd, over to Mt. Mazama, to sweetmilks, through the greenway park, through discovery park, down Alexandria street, back to hill road, to peavine, back home.
For those of you who know Mac, you know how much biking that is.
It was tiring, but when I got home, I felt awesome.
Anyways, I really do have to clean and get ready for a three day week.
Peace.
~Marina
To be loved,
To be dreamt of,
To be sought,
I'm the inside of "I don't care",
Be my unholy,
My one and my lonely.
- "One and Only" - Timbaland ft. Fall Out Boy
so I suppose it's high time I just talked about the simple stuff.
Senior year is drawing to a close. I'm going to miss it but I'm ready to move on.
I'm currently in the process of quitting smoking. It's tougher than I want it to be, but as a result I'm chewing gum as often as possible. Dunno why it works, but it does. (side note- 5 React and Zing are both delicious)
I meant to stay home today and clean, or put music on my iPod (my Classic crashed last week, so I'm back to the eight gig Touch. Space is so limited =\) but instead, I hopped on my bike and rode downtown to meet up with Becky, and ended up riding all over town.
I believe the route was home to third street, to Lafayette avenue, over to the high school, through the parking lot, to Evans, to Baker Creek Road, to Hill road, up the huge hill on 2nd, over to Mt. Mazama, to sweetmilks, through the greenway park, through discovery park, down Alexandria street, back to hill road, to peavine, back home.
For those of you who know Mac, you know how much biking that is.
It was tiring, but when I got home, I felt awesome.
Anyways, I really do have to clean and get ready for a three day week.
Peace.
~Marina
Tuesday, March 23
Complications
No lyrics for today, "Complications" is a Deadmau5 song.
Astronomically good, but not lyrical.
So instead, I've got to talk my way out of this rut instead of letting music be my facade.
The good news:
no more community service
one of my former enemies is becoming my friend (I think)
and the other got what she deserved, and I'm going to point and laugh.
I'm graduating soon, and I'll be eighteen sooner
My life is not so hellish anymore
AND I got accepted to Linfield.
The bad news:
well, I don't want to actually think about the bad news as "bad" news, it's just temporary shit that's making me suffer for the moment.
This too, shall pass.
Besides, I don't have the time to dwell on minor little setbacks.
Because if I do, I won't have time for life.
Whew. Now that that's over and done with for now...
It's spring break, and the most I've done is community service. Which is all right, I suppose, the weather wasn't horrendous.
But I need to get out of here and do something.
Not sure what yet.
~Marina
Astronomically good, but not lyrical.
So instead, I've got to talk my way out of this rut instead of letting music be my facade.
The good news:
no more community service
one of my former enemies is becoming my friend (I think)
and the other got what she deserved, and I'm going to point and laugh.
I'm graduating soon, and I'll be eighteen sooner
My life is not so hellish anymore
AND I got accepted to Linfield.
The bad news:
well, I don't want to actually think about the bad news as "bad" news, it's just temporary shit that's making me suffer for the moment.
This too, shall pass.
Besides, I don't have the time to dwell on minor little setbacks.
Because if I do, I won't have time for life.
Whew. Now that that's over and done with for now...
It's spring break, and the most I've done is community service. Which is all right, I suppose, the weather wasn't horrendous.
But I need to get out of here and do something.
Not sure what yet.
~Marina
Sunday, March 14
Closer to the Sun
"All I really needed was a friend like you
Help me through and together we can change, but
If I was to stay it wasn't for too long
People sing the same song everywhere I'm going
Closer to the sun and far from the moon
People screaming out they gonna see me real soon, they say ooh, ooh."
-"Closer to the Sun" - Slightly Stoopid
Community service yesterday.
Stacking wood.
Sucked, but it beats raking leaves.
Halfway done with it anyhow.
So I seem to have found myself in a predicament...
I loaned my iPod to a friend, but I don't know if I'm going to get it back in working condition, or even if I'm going to get it back at all.
But it's cool, because if anything happens to it, I'll demand to be paid back.
I could use $250 dollars.
Haha.
Instead of listening to my iPod this weekend, I've rediscovered radio, CDs, and LPs.
But not cassette tapes.
They're notoriously unreliable...
and I don't own any.
I'm also (supposedly!) getting a cat today, as a gift from my sister.
As a gift from her friend.
Having never had a legit pet of my own, I'm rather excited.
She needs a new name though, because our cat's name is Mamma, and the new cat's name is Momma.
I forsee problems with this situation.
So, name ideas please?
All I know about her is that she's grey and fluffy.
^_^
I need to earn ten bucks in the next few days...
But I'm so excited... It's nearly spring, and therefore summer is just around the corner!
So is graduation!
So is the OCF!
So is my birthday!
So many reasons to be in a stellar mood today.
~Marina
Help me through and together we can change, but
If I was to stay it wasn't for too long
People sing the same song everywhere I'm going
Closer to the sun and far from the moon
People screaming out they gonna see me real soon, they say ooh, ooh."
-"Closer to the Sun" - Slightly Stoopid
Community service yesterday.
Stacking wood.
Sucked, but it beats raking leaves.
Halfway done with it anyhow.
So I seem to have found myself in a predicament...
I loaned my iPod to a friend, but I don't know if I'm going to get it back in working condition, or even if I'm going to get it back at all.
But it's cool, because if anything happens to it, I'll demand to be paid back.
I could use $250 dollars.
Haha.
Instead of listening to my iPod this weekend, I've rediscovered radio, CDs, and LPs.
But not cassette tapes.
They're notoriously unreliable...
and I don't own any.
I'm also (supposedly!) getting a cat today, as a gift from my sister.
As a gift from her friend.
Having never had a legit pet of my own, I'm rather excited.
She needs a new name though, because our cat's name is Mamma, and the new cat's name is Momma.
I forsee problems with this situation.
So, name ideas please?
All I know about her is that she's grey and fluffy.
^_^
I need to earn ten bucks in the next few days...
But I'm so excited... It's nearly spring, and therefore summer is just around the corner!
So is graduation!
So is the OCF!
So is my birthday!
So many reasons to be in a stellar mood today.
~Marina
Tuesday, March 9
Don't Cry Out
"Ten, nine, eight, and I'm breaking away
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven, six, five, four, and I'm over you
Counting three, two, one, and I'm having fun."
"Don't Cry Out" - Shiny Toy Guns
So I do believe this has become my situationally correct song.
Thanks to Jessica for recommending it!
Band festival today.
We did fairly well.
A lot better than last week.
Making reparations, making changes, making plans, and looking towards the future.
There's the majority of my day.
A day tomorrow, super easy.
I love my life.
~Marina
I'm all dressed up and I'm ready to play
Seven, six, five, four, and I'm over you
Counting three, two, one, and I'm having fun."
"Don't Cry Out" - Shiny Toy Guns
So I do believe this has become my situationally correct song.
Thanks to Jessica for recommending it!
Band festival today.
We did fairly well.
A lot better than last week.
Making reparations, making changes, making plans, and looking towards the future.
There's the majority of my day.
A day tomorrow, super easy.
I love my life.
~Marina
Sunday, March 7
Fold Your Hands, Child
Ocean Bowl?
Yes.
9th out of 20?
Mmhmm.
Otherwise uneventful weekend?
You know it.
Once again, jumping into a random blog post with no real ideas.
Thankfullly there's not much to say.
No big flareups. No big amazing moments. No epiphanies.
I kind of like it this way for now, it's a nice break from the total chaos of the last month.
Side note, Mrs. Kramer has piqued my interest in the OCF.
Guess I've got to plan some costumes!
-Marina
"And every day is the right day."
-Pink Floyd, "Fearless"
Yes.
9th out of 20?
Mmhmm.
Otherwise uneventful weekend?
You know it.
Once again, jumping into a random blog post with no real ideas.
Thankfullly there's not much to say.
No big flareups. No big amazing moments. No epiphanies.
I kind of like it this way for now, it's a nice break from the total chaos of the last month.
Side note, Mrs. Kramer has piqued my interest in the OCF.
Guess I've got to plan some costumes!
-Marina
"And every day is the right day."
-Pink Floyd, "Fearless"
Sunday, February 28
Summertime Clothes
So, blog, I thought it was about time you got a makeover!
And since a lot of stuff has changed in my life
I figured you should change too.
And now I'm posting on Facebook too.
Gonna get back into the blogging mood.
Despite my totally awful mood earlier, I've definitely improved.
Talking to Jessica definitely helped.
Here's the rundown for the past month or so, straightforward as I can make it.
First off, it appears that I'm single, officially, for the first time in more than a year.
sure, it's a bit sad.
But overall I guess this way's the easiest.
Now I realize that I've basically been deprived of affection for that same amount of time, and that's sad.
I'll solve that somehow, someday.
Not a big priority.
"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, bro."
-The Beatles
Second, after the hearing was over and done with, I got my sentence.
namely four days of community service.
Day numero uno was yesterday.
It wasn't THAT bad...
Just tedious and more yard work than I do in a month.
Six hours of leaf raking and carrying more weight than I'm capable of.
After that was over I meandered over to Cornerstone to wait for my ride
that never showed up,
so I walked home.
Which wasn't so bad either.
The sun was out, and I walked through the linear park, which is always fun.
This morning, I woke up, tried to roll over,
and fought back tears
because my whole torso aches, as well as my legs
and my arms
and my neck
and my feet
and everything in between.
Now I know I complain about being sore a lot
But really, I don't mind it so much.
The aching makes me feel like I've done something productive.
Which I have.
I'm looking forward to this summer so much it's not even funny.
The long days, the glaringly bright solar energy
hanging out in parks, biking around town,
trying to find something to do and finding nothing
and being okay with that.
loud music, short shorts and tank tops
making memories
running for ten-twelve hours on nothing but fruit and water.
LIVING, man.
That's the kind of therapy I need.
That's the life I miss.
Three more months of school and it'll be a reality.
I've been online for seven hours, I think I'll go find something productive to do now...
Like my laundry...
Peace.
~Marina
And since a lot of stuff has changed in my life
I figured you should change too.
And now I'm posting on Facebook too.
Gonna get back into the blogging mood.
Despite my totally awful mood earlier, I've definitely improved.
Talking to Jessica definitely helped.
Here's the rundown for the past month or so, straightforward as I can make it.
First off, it appears that I'm single, officially, for the first time in more than a year.
sure, it's a bit sad.
But overall I guess this way's the easiest.
Now I realize that I've basically been deprived of affection for that same amount of time, and that's sad.
I'll solve that somehow, someday.
Not a big priority.
"Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, bro."
-The Beatles
Second, after the hearing was over and done with, I got my sentence.
namely four days of community service.
Day numero uno was yesterday.
It wasn't THAT bad...
Just tedious and more yard work than I do in a month.
Six hours of leaf raking and carrying more weight than I'm capable of.
After that was over I meandered over to Cornerstone to wait for my ride
that never showed up,
so I walked home.
Which wasn't so bad either.
The sun was out, and I walked through the linear park, which is always fun.
This morning, I woke up, tried to roll over,
and fought back tears
because my whole torso aches, as well as my legs
and my arms
and my neck
and my feet
and everything in between.
Now I know I complain about being sore a lot
But really, I don't mind it so much.
The aching makes me feel like I've done something productive.
Which I have.
I'm looking forward to this summer so much it's not even funny.
The long days, the glaringly bright solar energy
hanging out in parks, biking around town,
trying to find something to do and finding nothing
and being okay with that.
loud music, short shorts and tank tops
making memories
running for ten-twelve hours on nothing but fruit and water.
LIVING, man.
That's the kind of therapy I need.
That's the life I miss.
Three more months of school and it'll be a reality.
I've been online for seven hours, I think I'll go find something productive to do now...
Like my laundry...
Peace.
~Marina
Crystal Castles
So I'm going to try not to quote a song today, because quoting songs is my way of not having to actually say anything to explain what I'm going through.
Anyhow.
I really shouldn't be sitting here blogging right now because...
A) I need to write ten pages of screenplay for tomorrow
B) I need to write two essays
C) I need to clean my room and do my laundry
D) I really need to get a life.
Yup.
So I did one of four community service days yesterday and today, I hurt everywhere. To the point of not being able to walk correctly. Three to go.
I'm going to try to finish Transitions this week because I want my open seventh back.
There's a band festival on Tuesday, and another one next Tuesday.
I need a vacation.
~Marina
Anyhow.
I really shouldn't be sitting here blogging right now because...
A) I need to write ten pages of screenplay for tomorrow
B) I need to write two essays
C) I need to clean my room and do my laundry
D) I really need to get a life.
Yup.
So I did one of four community service days yesterday and today, I hurt everywhere. To the point of not being able to walk correctly. Three to go.
I'm going to try to finish Transitions this week because I want my open seventh back.
There's a band festival on Tuesday, and another one next Tuesday.
I need a vacation.
~Marina
Monday, February 15
What A Catch, Donnie.
"I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
You'll never catch us
So just let me be
Said I'll be fine
Till the hospital or American Embassy
Miss Flack said I still want you back
Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
They say the captain
Goes down with the ship
So, when the world ends
Will God go down with it?
Miss Flack said I still want you back
Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
What a catch
What a catch
What a catch
What a catch
I will never end up like him
Behind my back, I already am
Keep a calendar
This way you will always know
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman
Maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And sugar, we're goin' down swinging
Dance, dance, we're falling apart to halftime
Dance, dance, and these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you, only sweeter
Growing up, growing up
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch."
-"What A Catch, Donnie" - Fall Out Boy
I wish I actually had something to say.
~Marina
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
You'll never catch us
So just let me be
Said I'll be fine
Till the hospital or American Embassy
Miss Flack said I still want you back
Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
They say the captain
Goes down with the ship
So, when the world ends
Will God go down with it?
Miss Flack said I still want you back
Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
What a catch
What a catch
What a catch
What a catch
I will never end up like him
Behind my back, I already am
Keep a calendar
This way you will always know
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you
Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman
Maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And sugar, we're goin' down swinging
Dance, dance, we're falling apart to halftime
Dance, dance, and these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you, only sweeter
Growing up, growing up
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch."
-"What A Catch, Donnie" - Fall Out Boy
I wish I actually had something to say.
~Marina
Sunday, January 10
Love Drunk.
Okay. We've got a few problems here.
First off, I'm never letting anyone borrow my flash drive, EVER again. My screenplay is gone. Which should annoy me more than it does, but retyping ten pages won't be too horrible.
Second of all, I have no idea what I'm gonna do about the boy.
Talking to people who know me, they sense that I'm discontent. They want me to be with someone who makes me happy.
Right now, I just feel cast-off, like a snakeskin. He says ignoring me is for my own good, but that's just bullshit. He acted the same way right before christmas. But this is just ridiculous.
Anyways. I was studying for the Ocean Bowl today with Tasha and Robin. When Tasha had to leave, Robin and I mobbed to Cornerstone and started talking. He asked me the very simple, but very difficult question: "why are you still with him?"
I figured the answer was obvious. Because I love him.
But all of a sudden, I realized that it isn't that simple.
Interests change, people change. At this point, I've got very few choices in terms of what I want to do with my life. I'd like to open up my horizons. Make some good decisions for myself and for others.
I have to cut the ties that are holding me down, pull off the blinkers... blinders... blindfold...
whatever.
Because right now, I'm missing out.
So.
Decision time.
Improve my health:
start riding my bike more, become pescetarian (or try it at least)
Improve my schooling:
Study more, do homework without procrastinating. I've only got a semester left after all.
Improve myself:
Hang out with good people, make the right choices, be a trustworthy person.
And figure out the whole boy issue.
Overall improvement? I hope I'll see it soon.
~marina
"I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don’t call me crazy; say hello to goodbye."
- Boys Like Girls, "Love Drunk"
First off, I'm never letting anyone borrow my flash drive, EVER again. My screenplay is gone. Which should annoy me more than it does, but retyping ten pages won't be too horrible.
Second of all, I have no idea what I'm gonna do about the boy.
Talking to people who know me, they sense that I'm discontent. They want me to be with someone who makes me happy.
Right now, I just feel cast-off, like a snakeskin. He says ignoring me is for my own good, but that's just bullshit. He acted the same way right before christmas. But this is just ridiculous.
Anyways. I was studying for the Ocean Bowl today with Tasha and Robin. When Tasha had to leave, Robin and I mobbed to Cornerstone and started talking. He asked me the very simple, but very difficult question: "why are you still with him?"
I figured the answer was obvious. Because I love him.
But all of a sudden, I realized that it isn't that simple.
Interests change, people change. At this point, I've got very few choices in terms of what I want to do with my life. I'd like to open up my horizons. Make some good decisions for myself and for others.
I have to cut the ties that are holding me down, pull off the blinkers... blinders... blindfold...
whatever.
Because right now, I'm missing out.
So.
Decision time.
Improve my health:
start riding my bike more, become pescetarian (or try it at least)
Improve my schooling:
Study more, do homework without procrastinating. I've only got a semester left after all.
Improve myself:
Hang out with good people, make the right choices, be a trustworthy person.
And figure out the whole boy issue.
Overall improvement? I hope I'll see it soon.
~marina
"I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don’t call me crazy; say hello to goodbye."
- Boys Like Girls, "Love Drunk"
Thursday, January 7
Reach For the Sky
So... just dragging myself through the next few weeks till Daniel comes back...
We've got to live like we only have today. I say that WAY too much, I know, but it's tragically true...
~marina
"When I was young I was invincible
I found myself not thinking twice
I never thought about no future
It's just a roll of the dice
But the day may come when you got something to lose
And just when you think you're done paying dues
You say to yourself "Dear, God What have I Done?"
And hope its not too late cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery
But baby right now,
It's just about you and me
You can run you can hide
Just like Bonnie and Clyde
Reach for the sky
ain't never gonna die
And I thank the Lord for the love that I have found
And hold you tight cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
So if you please take this moment
Try if you can to make it last
Don't think about no future
And just forget about the past
And make it last
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
(reach for the sky I ain't never going down)
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
(reach for the sky I ain't never coming down)
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
(reach for the sky I ain't never going down)
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come"
-"Reach For the Sky" - Social Distortion
We've got to live like we only have today. I say that WAY too much, I know, but it's tragically true...
~marina
"When I was young I was invincible
I found myself not thinking twice
I never thought about no future
It's just a roll of the dice
But the day may come when you got something to lose
And just when you think you're done paying dues
You say to yourself "Dear, God What have I Done?"
And hope its not too late cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery
But baby right now,
It's just about you and me
You can run you can hide
Just like Bonnie and Clyde
Reach for the sky
ain't never gonna die
And I thank the Lord for the love that I have found
And hold you tight cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
So if you please take this moment
Try if you can to make it last
Don't think about no future
And just forget about the past
And make it last
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
(reach for the sky I ain't never going down)
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
(reach for the sky I ain't never coming down)
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come
(reach for the sky I ain't never going down)
Reach for the sky cause tomorrow may never come"
-"Reach For the Sky" - Social Distortion
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)