A Story of Lost Love.

Once upon a time, there was a boy with red hair and blue-green eyes. He grew up to be a strong young man. The young man had a dream: to fight in a war and serve his country. He joined the military.
Before he left for his training, though, the young man's life changed; he met a girl that captured his heart. She seemed perfectly average; average height, average weight, plain brown hair and blue eyes. But her laugh was infectious, her wit like a razor, and most of all, she was gentle, selfless, and accepting of the young man's ways.
They were good friends right away, and they fell swiftly and completely for each other shortly thereafter.
The young man left for another country, but he gave the girl a token to remember him: his first set of dogtags from basic training. She wore them every day and rarely took them off. Every few days, they would email each other, and the girl was always elated to hear from him. They talked about love, vacations they would take when he came home, and even marriage after a while. As the long months wore on, the girl's love for her young man only grew stronger.
But one day she recieved a phone call from him. She was immediately worried about the pained tone in his voice. He told her that he had been injured when his vehicle drove over an explosive. He was okay, he told her, but his injuries were pretty severe. They talked a bit more, then they parted once more with their customary "I love you"s and "I'll talk to you soon"s.
The young man was finally sent home after a year overseas. They had a fight shortly before he arrived in town, but he still agreed to come over for Christmas dinner with her family. Everyone was thrilled to see him. There was a horribly awkward space between the girl and the young man, and she worried that it would be the last time they would see each other. After dinner, he invited her to talk outside. She stood on the porch, shivering in the cold December air, as he broodingly smoked a cigarette. The young man finally turned to her and apologized for the argument, and she too apologized. They held each other close, and all was forgiven. He went back across the country for another few months.
But not even two months later, only a few days after Valentine's Day, the young man called the girl. He was now angry at her, and she didn't know why. They fought for a while, and he ended the call after breaking up with her.
The girl was heartbroken. She cried softly in her room for a while, then for the first time in over a year, she took the young man's dogtags from around her neck, and placed them gently in a drawer.
Many months later, the young man called her again. He apologized, and they talked for a while, but there was no sign of the loving closeness of their old conversations. The girl had become a young woman, and had moved on and fallen in love with another man. The young man had married a woman across the country, and divorced her shortly after.
They still talk, but their conversations are those of long-lost lovers quietly remembering what they let go so long ago.

"It seems a cold world without something... more."

"On the contrary," said Oromis, "it is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our own actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment..."

-Eldest by Chris Paolini, pg. 544


"For what is time? Who could find any quick or easy answer to that? Who could even grasp it in his thought clearly enough to put the matter into words? Yet is there anything to which we refer in conversation with more familiarity, any matter of more common experience, than time? And we know perfectly well what we mean when we speak of it, and understand just as well when we hear someone else refer to it. What, then, is time? If no one asks me, I know; if I want to explain it to someone who asks me, I do not know... Now, what about these two times, past and future: in what sense do they have real being, if the past no longer exists and the future does not exist yet?"

-(14, 17) of Confessions, book 11, by St. Augustine.


"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."

- Socrates

These three quotes reflect three views I have in life. Thanks to my philosophy class (which is a lot more difficult than I had initially expected) I have begun to question what I do and do not know, which, according to Socrates, is nothing.

But you know what? I think I'm fine with that.

Sure, it may seem a bit dreadful to think about. Everyone wants to believe they know something. But in the overall scheme of things, it's impossible to really know anything, no matter how basic. And understanding that you do not know anything, in this instance, can be comforting.

Augustine's approach to what time is, initially, was baffling on two accounts. The first is that philosophy, in and of itself, is farily difficult to read. The second is that it's such a valid way to frame time. We all know what we're talking about when we talk about time, but to accurately describe it is another thing entirely. To say that time is hours, minutes, and seconds, is a start, but it only describes how we measure time's passage and not the concepts of it. And to think of the past is to recall images that we have stored due to our sensory input, but this is not to say that the past still exists. This brings thoughts to my mind that are bittersweet. We can let go of painful instances in the past, as the past no longer exists. We shouldn't dread the future for what it may hold that is painful, because not only does it not exist yet, but it will pass into the present and shortly thereafter, to the past.

The first quote (and I realize that I have just addressed the quotes in reverse order, it was not intentional but it is amusing to some degree) is not philosophic in origin but it rings of a philosophical statement, though crude. Perhaps I'm just used to philosophy being posed in the diction of the ancient Greeks. This quote is far into the story of Eragon, the newest Dragon Rider, when he is asking his instructor, Oromis, about the religion of the elves. When Oromis answers that the elves do not worship any sort of higher power, Eragon is startled, and says, "it seems a cold world without something more." What Oromis says in response struck a chord in me, as I have been through many phases in my quest for beliefs that religion has yet to satisfy. I was baptized a Roman Catholic, studied Buddhism, delved into Wicca, and finally settled on holding no strong religious ties. The world of science seems more reasonable to me than the world of theology. Each person must find their own way through life, and though others choose an omnicient being, I choose logic and reason. This is not to say, however, that the followers of religion are wrong, as many people feel that I am wrong for 'not believing in anything.' I simply differ in the way that I believe that I am capable of making decisions based on what I have learned and what I expect, nothing more, nothing less. How you choose to be a good person is up to you and you alone.

I feel that I've exhausted my current thoughts, as well as my word choice. Though some of my grammar may be incorrect, I enjoy stretching my vocabulary and making everything fit, and it's never a crime to be well-spoken.

As spoken by many a wise soul...
Atra esterni ono thelduin, mor'ranr lifa unin hjarta onr, un du evarinya ono varda.

~Marina

To Those Who Lost Their Lives in Japan This Week.

Godspeed to you.

~Marina

Workin' For The Weekend

I am convinced that without weekends, we'd all go mad.

Thankfully, Saturdays (in particular) are the perfect days to be as lazy as possible.



This may be an obvious statement, but the point is that we NEED relaxation. There is too much stress in our lives, and if we don't give ourselves time to rest and reflect, we tend to be a lot more unhappy.

So take a few minutes today and just be lazy. Think about somewhere you'd like to go. Make yourself a tasty snack. Give yourself a break from a hectic life. You deserve it.

You'll thank yourself for it, I promise.

~Marina

(Watermelon photo from weheartit.com, cat photo taken by me.)

Solar Sailor

When you are constantly tired, time loses its normal structure. You find that the enjoyable parts of your day become something like a dream. The less enjoyable parts drag on and on, and you note each second that passes.

Pink Floyd, as usual, describes it perfectly.

"And you run, and you run
To catch up with the sun
But it's sinking
And racing around
To come up behind you again"

"Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time"

It occured to me that not only was New Year's Eve two months ago, but I'm rapidly approaching my 19th birthday.

Some days, I spend hours thinking about making the most of my life, and I cannot fathom why I feel like I'm in such a rut.

I think the problem is the same that I face this time of year. It's March, there are a few weeks until break, and then a few months until summer. It's the second semester quagmire. I'm on autopilot. My sole purpose is to go to class and stay awake long enough to take adequate notes.

I get my mental clarity back after 11 PM or so, when I can lounge on my bedroom floor for a while and listen to music, and REALLY get into it. I can turn up the volume all the way and nobody complains about hearing it from my headphones. There's nothing to write down, nothing I'm obligated to do, and I can just enjoy myself.

It's my favorite time of day.

And I think my summery music is keeping me sane. I miss the sun.

~Marina

Little Fluffy Clouds

Yeah, I'm awake at 3 AM, despite my lack of sleep in the last week. This is, of course, after I fell asleep four hours ago.

Happy 10-month anniversary to me.
A whole day of classes on a few hours of sleep, then another few hours of sleep.

The reason I'm up is that horrible, ridiculous, cramping, burning pain I'm all too familiar with.

Yeah... I've gone and landed myself with another freaking UTI.

This is not an uncommon thing, but it has moved on to my kidneys before, and I sure as hell don't want that to happen again.

The dilemma - try to go back to sleep? Or stay up all night and drink water, writhing in oh-so-obvious pain?

Tough decision, eh? I just don't want to have to go back to the doctor... But at the same time, I don't want to have my day off ruined because I feel too awful to enjoy anything.

Doesn't help anything that my phone is pulling its typical hijinks.
Phone: Oh, guess what?
Me: What?
Phone: I'm going to frustrate you to death with my 'cellular data off' message every time you try to text!
Me: WHYYY?
Phone: Oh! And guess what else!
Me: WHAT ELSE?
Phone: I'm going to let you charge my battery completely, then proceed to die in a few hours without you having done anything! Hahaha, aren't I fun?
Me: GODDAMNIT YOU WILL DO WHAT I ASK AND LIKE IT!
-restores iPhone software-
HaHA! Who's laughing now?
Phone: -reduces battery power by half- Haha! Meeee!

I don't know WHY it believes this is fun, but if it happens again, I'm switching back to my Tilt, because an iPhone is just not worth the hassle.

~Marina